My first step to self love

She told me she would stay with me forever. I believed her. I took advantage of that and thought she wont go anywhere. She left me 3 months later for someone who showed her he cared by buying her a handbag. A handbag I couldn’t afford.

I was miserable and alone. I needed the companion of a female friend and 3 male friends. It was just easier having male friends so I always needed 3 as a minimum. I accomplished the male friends part and now needed the female part to be a complete person again.

I then found someone who told me would stay with me forever. She was there but never present. The oddest thing was I began to feel even lonelier. I got paranoid about where she would be. Where was my soul mate? Why wasn’t I getting text messages, pictures, constant updates about her whereabouts. Why? I was gladly telling her every move I was making, every bite I was taking, and then sent her a flirt song which was a Youtube link to “Every breath you take” by Police. Sting was only thing on my mind at the time.

After being neglected by my soulmate, my friends slowly began to creep away due to me talking all and only about how my soulmate isn’t behaving like the person she should be. I was left with one friend who I could to talk about this only, and he told me “maybe she’s acting like that because she really isn’t the one you’re suppose to spend the rest of your life with..maybe?”. I stopped talking to him as well. I could not stand the negativity.

I was alone again with my thoughts. Paranoid, depressed and alone. A pretty scary combo. I began reading up on soul mates, love and what’s required or how it should be. I may have understood all of this the wrong way if it was going to keep getting me depressed. It turns out that the other person should be as excited as me. And that the reason she may have stopped talking to me was because I was too clingy, insecure, and was acting like a lost puppy. And the reasons my male friends were avoided me was because she was all I would talk about.

I then dwelled in my own sadness, depression and solitude. I cried some, slept some, ate some. Then decided to make a big decision and tell her “it’s over”. Even though it felt like it was already over. It just needed to be said. I read articles, watched Youtube videos to inspire me to break up. When I did, I cried some more but this time it was tears in the inside, I’m usually very dry when it comes to real tears. I started to feel better. I was beginning to feel “whole”. With time I was becoming a person of my own. I got out of the sad bubble and started seeing people again, walked, exercised and did things I remembered I loved. 3 months of that and I enjoyed my company. I loved me.

MY first steps to self love, were to dwell in sadness, cry on the inside, be comfortable with that and then look beyond all that and start living a little more.I hope this post goes out there and helps a person in solitude. A person who is new in a country maybe, a person who’s suffering a ridiculous¬†and abusive relationship ( remember the rule: THEY SHOULD BE EXCITED AS YOU ARE TO BE WITH YOU ), someone having a hard time making friends or someone feeling a little lost in this fast paced world we live in.

It’s okay. It’s fine. You’re okay. Be sad, it’s normal, be alone, and then love yourself. Do things you loved as a teenager/child, find new hobbies, read about something that may get you excited, learn a new language, get in touch with an old friend or worse case scenario contact me and I may or may not be happy to help, if not then just find someone worthy of your time. Someone who’s excited to talk to you. We have so many options available now, that’s its easy to get lost in at all. Find one or two things that may excite you and just do it already you loner.

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One thought on “My first step to self love

  1. Pingback: The mysterious soul search | A little bit of my brain

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