Let me first tell you a story about someone who also has the same condition I do but will remain anonymous. Here’s a little incident where what she had backfired on her.
This is directly from her:
I’ve worked in a call centre as a stutterer for 2 months now. Vocally, I’ve been fine. Smashing out KPIs, bonding with callers, rarely blocking and never stuttered. Today was my last shift there. First call of the day and I absolutely butcher my verbatim greeting. I stutter on every word and forget my call flow. I literally choke and gag on the phone in disbelief. Call lasted 4:35, a number I will never forget in my life. I could tell by the callers tone that she was in disbelief as was I. Without thought or doubt, I logged out, picked up my bag and left.
I guess it was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I don’t know if it can be topped but it was severely awkward.
What is the best way to emotionally heal from something this severe? I’ve had some bad moments, but I was working in a call centre for a major company. It was horrible.
Ok, back to me. She then mentions that it could have been because she got drunk on Friday, she doesn’t know then. Here’s the thing. Maybe it’s cause I was tired. Maybe because I was stressed, maybe, maybe,maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe. Something that never leaves my mind. MAYBE.
She is now emotionally suffering and so are many hundreds of us. I don’t think anyone can who doesn’t stutter could ever relate. Ever. Here’s what I want you to imagine. You’re talking and suddenly a word won’t come out. It’s just stuck. B b b b b b b but why? Caussssssssssssssssseeeee we’re the 1%. Even science has brought us only this far with stuttering (or stammering ) . Now try attempting to say it by squinting, or moving, or turning away, or raising your voice, or even pausing ( oh but wait if I pause people will notice) or but completely stopping taking a deep breath closing your eyes, opening them to an audience waiting with deep anticipation about what could be the next word. Yeah, good luck trying to know how it feels.
In today’s class I walked in after 13 hours of work. Now this is a class I actually enjoy teaching. Yes maybe cause I’ve had a long day. Maybe because….or maybe..You know the drill. My mouth just went on lock down. My breaths were short. I was on pause through out the entire class almost. I later apologised ( with stutters ) about why today’s class isn’t as always.
I have lived with this for as long as I remember. I may have been failing classes due to this. I don’t know. What I did about it was “Nothing”. I have almost never backed away from an experience, an opportunity or from a conversation. I have a good poker face though. When I stutter know that you’re talking to me. Know that I have come out of character and you’re now dealing with me in mind and body.
I come back home to a house I’m responsible for, to health, to family that love me. What’s the worse that has happened? It’s all good. Reception is just a little off sometimes but apart from that its all good. I make my living by talking. Can you imagine, the stutterer makes his living through education and entertainment. For anyone struggling with any difficulties in life. Please. Please. Don’t back down. Go out there and make it your strength or at least your living. Oh and laugh about it. It’s kind of hilarious sometimes.
I will now go to bed, and I wake I’ll get dressed and go to tomorrow’s class.
Oh, also after class I went to the bathroom and found blueberry and chia stains right in front of my teeth.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT hmmmmmmmmmm *takes breath*
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