I walked in there like I didn’t belong.
I don’t deserve this.
I looked around and realised that this wasn’t my place to stay and nor should had it ever been.
When I was growing up I was always doing things a little different. Just a little. I’d spend more, I’d do want to do more, I’d think more ( more than I should have been thinking, or more than I was expected too ) . But I somehow broke pass the limits. There are countless times that people doubted me and told me that I cannot do that but I did. One that’s at the top of my head right now is running my first half marathon. My family and friends told me that I’d never do it. They told me 3 hours if I was lucky. I did it in 1:45. That was my PB and I’ve never run a faster half. Funny.
Just recently I was going through a massive financial crisis. A major one. I kept quite about it. I was there for a while. At first it was a huge burden but it then just kind of stayed there and blended into my life. I looked around and figured I wasn’t so bad. It could have been worse.
But with those crisis came other problems as well. It starts causing other issues especially when you have a family to take care of. It wasn’t very pleasant. I also got used to that. I then decided to push through that and work my way out of it.
I’m now in a place that’s even more comfortable. I’m happy to say that I dug myself out of that hole. Dug out quite deep actually and I’m out of it. But I’m not staying here. I’m not settling. I’m not going to lay low. I don’t want to ever feel that comfortable again. Even though before I was miserably comfortable, this time its quite different. Still not staying.
When I was half way out the hole and going places and I never thought I’d be. At least not this soon. I told a friend how I feel scared that something bad may happen, cause things are actually going quite good. And I feel like any minute now it’s all going to go collapse because it shouldn’t be this way.
They told me you were in a rough patch and it happens. This is where you should be, all what I went through was the road to where I am now. I was still scared.
But I’m going to continue paving the way. No one is going to tell me how I should be doing and what is good enough. There is no good enough, there’s always room for improvement. I’m content with what I have but will strive for better.
The biggest mistake I made was I put pre conditions for my happiness and goals.
There are no conditions. There’s always room for more.
No conditions applied anymore.