Writing and crying

I have missed writing so much.

Sometimes all I do is think about it from the time I wake up until  I nap. Then its all good after that. But it’s in my mind for quite sometime during the day. Especially during the day because that’s when I’m accustomed to write. When it gets dark I stop thinking about writing and focus on what I’m doing at the moment.

The other day I was talking about writing and how I want to get back into it but just don’t seem to have the time for it. Moments later, I get a notification from my blog informing me that the views are booming. Like it was a clear sign from the Almighty himself. I want to write more, at least as much as I used to. I have so much to say. I always do. And writing is much easier for me. But I’m too consumed with video lately that it’s been taking up all of my time recently. And I absolutely love  it. I can only do so much in day.
Job(s), husband, father, Youtuber, athlete,son, friend, blogger. I clearly have to prioritise here. And I simply just cannot open my laptop and start typing. I just can’t give a half assed post. I really need to sit down and think about what I want to say,how I want to say it, and in what flow I want to say it in. All of that takes time. My thoughts take time. I am a distracted person which means that it’ll take me twice as long to do something an undistracted person would. Oh and then I have to proof read it and make sure I didn’t nake any mistakes :).

Since I’m writing. Let’s talk about crying.

It’s 2 am. I’m sleep deprived. It’s Ramadan. A holy month where lack of  sleep make the best of some of us. I feel like crying and I don’t know why. I walk into the streets and see a lot of lights. I then enter a mall and start crying in public. Everyone around me stare with shock and a little embarrassment. I then start making faces while l cry to see if maybe someone will come and tell me something or maybe ask what’s wrong.

A strong looking guy comes up to me and says what is it? I tell him” I don’t know, I just don’t”, with a funny  face where my lips are all weird and twisted. “Maybe because it’s 2:30 am.” He then says ” pull yourself together, there are people watching”. I walked away and continued crying but without the face. Since it’s Ramadan everything was open. Even a psychology clinic ( Ramadan timings and all ). I walked in with red eyes and wet cheeks. The receptionist gives me a weird look and hands me some tissues and says, “how can I help you?” I blow my nose and say” I don’t why I’m crying”. She tells to have a seat, so I sit there waiting, then a woman with a tallit on, looks at me. She asks if I fast as well. I say “yes”. She then goes along and tells me that they fast during Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is the holiest day in judaism falling in the month of Tishrei.

She then leans over and tells me ” look, Human beings are very complex creatures, and it could well be that at some deeper level of yourself, there are some very good reasons for crying.

It could be old emotions working themselves out of your system, or an acknowledgement that subconsciously, something in your life is causing you profound grief and pain, even though consciously everything seems fine.

I know modern society frowns on negative emotions, and tries to get everyone worried that their ‘serotonin levels’ are messed up if they dare to emote a little bit, but really, it’s good to cry sometimes.

Let the tears out, and you may well find that it leads to some sort of positive cathartic process, new insight or new path in life. But to reiterate, crying sometimes, even if we don’t know exactly why we’re doing it, is healthy, normal and part of being a functioning, emotionally-connected human being.

Hope this is helpful”

She gets up and leaves. “Next”  yells the receptionist. I walk in to the psychologists office and he asks me when was the last time I cried. I answered “2012” .

I just needed to sleep.

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