I have almost reached the verge of imploding. It is not pretty. I haven’t written for days and it has bothered me. But I think I know why now.
When I run out of ideas to write, I take out my pad and take a look at all of the ideas I have written in it, then I choose one. Now most times this works, but sometimes it just doesn’t. There’s just no juice for that particular topic. I have tried to write about a specific topic for the past 4 days now and I have written just shy over a 100 words!! To give you an idea of what a 100 words are, this post has already reached 117 words.
Every day I’d come back to it and sit in from of my computer and stare at it. Just stare. Maybe write a sentence or two and then freeze. I did that for 4 days. It felt like one of my old jobs. As soon as that hit me I stopped. I drafted it and moved on. This isn’t a forced job, I’m not getting paid for it and I’m not asked to write about that specific topic. Then WHY was I stuck on it ? Here a few reasons why I may have been:
- I didn’t have a better idea: So I just decided to stick to this until something better came along maybe.
- I felt obliged: I may have had the ” finish what you started” mentality at the time. I think that mentality can be very unhealthy. I mean look at what it did to me ( nothing tragic really, I’m just being over dramatic right now, but some people do tend to take it way more serious than I do and stay stuck for a lifetime trying to finish something poor that they started, I don’t want to live that way) I wasted 4 days, meaning at least 4 posts could have been posted, but NOOooooo. I had to stick to it.
- I didn’t have the best setting: Usually when I write, I like it to be quiet. I like to be isolated. Like now. It’s 6:57am. Just finished a run, everyone’s asleep and I have the morning all to myself ( till 7:30).
After that experience it really hit me.I shouldn’t have forced it. Why?
Life’s too short to force ourselves to do things that aren’t part of our flow. God knows we do enough of that already in a lifetime. Anything that I do for me, shall not be forced. If don’t want to ride my bike. Fine I’ll run. I don’t want to write about X, fine I’ll write about Y. I don’t want to eat bananas, fine I’ll eat figs. As long as I keep moving. I shall not force myself to do anything I don’t feel natural . I’ll go with the flow. Something a lot of us are resisting.
I’ll let the wind be my guide for when I’m uncertain, stuck or feel obligated.
Now imagine being carried away by the wind. What beauty. No control, just submission .