I’m afraid a lot

I’m driving down the road and I’m afraid.

I go to work and I’m afraid

I go to meet a new person and I’m afraid.

I’m always a little scared.

Never of life. Well, rarely at least. I’m mainly afraid of myself.

I’m afraid of the harm I could do. Of someone’s feeling I may hurt, am I over stepping anyone, am I cheating my way through life with methods such as lies, deceit, and indirect bribery. Those things haunt me and sometimes even keep me up at night.

I want to be better. I want to be at service. I want to like everyone and be liked by everyone in return. It’s hard. But everyday I work at it. I start my day with gratitude and always think how I’d like to be treated and treat others in return.

I’m not afraid of risks, or afraid of what people say, think and react. Most of the time at least. If you know me or have been following me you’ll  know that I’m pretty fearless and live my life pretty close to the edge.

After having 2 kids I thought my life was over as I knew it. But I started taking greater risks. It’s scary but it is paying off. I feel like now more than ever, I need to do what I think is right. What my gut thinks is right. What my heart thinks is right. What kind of role model would I be to my kids if I didn’t?  Or to my wife?

I want to raise the bar. It’s scary. I need to do it with caution. A year ago, this post would be super scary. But now. I have raised the bar. I need to constantly keep doing this. You need to too.

I need you to be afraid, then I need you to do it. But with caution. We all need you more than ever now. Follow your heart and gut. Don’t you dare correct it after you’ve heard it the first time.

As a teacher I always find that the students get the correct answer the first time in the exam and as soon as they revise it, they rub it off and choose the wrong answer. Now I always tell my class, please answer it once and leave it. You’re heart knows best. Your gut knows best. You know best the first time. It’s when you over analyze what your insides are trying to tell you and try to navigate away, it fails you as well.

One shot. One life. Just once.

Coffee and allnighters 

I rarely have coffee. Rarely. But when I do it’s some strong coffee that tastes good. But leaving you with that bitter coffee aftertaste we all like. I usually like it to start with off with a wave of sweet delicious flavor such as caramel or mocha, transitioning into mild coffee flavor and then ending with the bitter part. I also prefer my coffee cold. Preferably double blended. Not so much of an iced coffee person. I feel like iced is a scam. Daylight robbery. A little bit of coffee with a whole lot of ice. You either have two choices.
1. Drink it quick and experience great coffee that’s not cold or warm. And it’s half the amount you actually ordered. 
2. Sip it slowly, and have it transition to coffee flavored water. 
Iced coffee comes with a lot of tradeoffs. 
Anyways, today was one of those days where I have coffee. Coffee = all nighter. 
I sometimes have the most post profound nights and today was also one of them. Here’s what I do when I have difficulty sleeping or get myself into it by drinking coffee in the evening. Oh, and it’s always a large size (Venti, meaning 20. I had to google that. Venti in Spanish means come. Didn’t have to google that ) 
1) Entertainment/education 

I almost always look into something that will entertain and educate me. In my case it’s either reading or film. I lay in bed with a smile while doing those. 

2) Writing

I feel like writing down thoughts or just literally projecting whatever is running through my brain will help make me feel better. And we all know how much of a genius we all suddenly are when it’s 3 am. 

3) Stretch

We have a small carpet next to the bed. So I try and discreetly crawl out of bed and start doing positions I never do in public. It feels so good and gets the blood flowing. 

4) Breathe

I focus on my breathing. I start to think of how wrong I breathe all day and so start a rhythm of deep in and out of breaths. I do it sometimes with my eyes closed. They say it’s good for you. I smile sometimes as I do it too because I picture myself breathing like that all day and it looks ridiculous. So I smile. 
Most of my all nighters are usually disasters. But I’ve noticed that every time I do the above, it turns out to be a really productive all nighter. 
It’s prayer time now. It’s 4:54 am .
Over and out. 

Don’t do it for at least 30 mins a day

That’s when you know you’ve destined the majority for failure. 

I’m quoting that the first sentience of my post from advice I read that was being given on social media. I personally think it’s great. When we feel good doing something, we usually want others to experience it as well. Be it exercise or a skill. 
Here’s the thing, that post was about exercise. And this is why I disagree with how it won’t really work. Or it did and it could do better. 
When someone has no desire to change, the worst thing you can say is “the least you can do is…”
When you don’t want to do it at all, you don’t want to hear about doing it for 30 mins. That’s a life time. It baffles me when a coach tells their client 30 minutes on the treadmill. Or when a teacher gives their students tedious homework. 
Sure it could be done, but there’s no longevity in this process. 

When you start slowly injecting healthy doses of what you need to do, you will automatically want more of it. But only when YOU decide it’s what YOU need. 
When you tell someone who’s out of shape to get on the treadmill for 5 minutes, they will absolutely do it. It’s just too easy. 
If I have to read book or exercise. I start with a page a day. 10 mins a day of exercise. Who can’t do that? 
Once I get into rhythm, I will voluntarily want more because it makes me feel good, and I want more, because I feel like and not because it’s a daunt open me. 
 Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t set other up for failure. Don’t tell people what to do, and if you have to, make it so simple they won’t to do it anyways because we are complex like that. 
Now excuse me as I go read one page. 

How to do something you have to do or need to do or want to do

I picked up the phone. Looked at the screen and typed in some words. This is it. This is what I’ve written. How easy was that? 

These days I feel like I’m programmed. I just do. I don’t know how good that is but I do know that’s it’s something. It must be something. It’s building a momentum, I can feel feel it. Over 10% of 2017 is over and I feel like I’m in a good place.
How to start something.

I’m sure many people research that! You just start. Just start now. Tomorrow. Next week but not further. Or else it’s too far away. I waited 30 days. I began this momentum in February. Didn’t want to start in the new year when everyone is pretending to change. I had to wait. I’m just like that, I look at the herd and move away from it. 

It’s tough. But we all know what happens to sheep. They either get turned into wool, get butchered or get a song dedicated to them. And after all they do. It’s a about a black sheep. 

Here’s to another 10 minutes. 

As I write this, I think about all of the free time I have in my hands. It’s minimal. But I still squeeze in 10 minutes every now and then. 

How much time did I spend not working on my craft?
I’ve always wanted to write more, read more and so on. I always thought I didn’t have time. I don’t know how true that is anymore. Sure I can’t go on a reading or writing spree. But I can do a little of it.
Sure I can’t run 60 mins a day. But maybe 20. 15? That’s something. Sure I can’t cook all of my healthy meals at home. 

Oatmeal?

Smoothies?

Sliced fruits?

Nut butter sandwich? 

Avocado and hummus sandwich? ( My favorite go to) 
I now look at all the time have spent not doing the little things that make me a little better.
My break is over.

I feel like a better human being for writing this,

I hope you get something out of this.

How I can now fit in time to write. 

This post is predominantly for me. I’m writing this to remind myself about how I can write almost every single day without having the excuse to not write because of time. 

I was thinking about this superpower machine I’m holding. It’s a smart phone. Doesn’t matter which one. Cause they’re all smart. Some a little smarter than others but all smart. And all can type pretty much flawlessly. It does autocorrect too. 
I remember I started making videos with my iPhone 5. I was so proud of myself. At first I didn’t do any editing at all. I would hit record, talk/perform and upload. All from my phone. I thought I’d never ever learn how to edit. It seemed impossible. I don’t have the skills. Then I found out about iMovie for iPhone and that pretty much changed my life. I don’t edit on my phone anymore. And my story now revolves around my edit. It’s funny how I didn’t know a thing about editing and it’s editing now that helps me tell a story. I have to stop typing now because my break time is over. 
I’m back now.
 I think we should make do with pretty much anything we have. I’m going to use this smart phone to start writing again ( typing ) and go back to something I love. 
Start with whatever you’ve got.
Note to self. 
I’m now going to post this on the WordPress app