I’m afraid a lot

I’m driving down the road and I’m afraid.

I go to work and I’m afraid

I go to meet a new person and I’m afraid.

I’m always a little scared.

Never of life. Well, rarely at least. I’m mainly afraid of myself.

I’m afraid of the harm I could do. Of someone’s feeling I may hurt, am I over stepping anyone, am I cheating my way through life with methods such as lies, deceit, and indirect bribery. Those things haunt me and sometimes even keep me up at night.

I want to be better. I want to be at service. I want to like everyone and be liked by everyone in return. It’s hard. But everyday I work at it. I start my day with gratitude and always think how I’d like to be treated and treat others in return.

I’m not afraid of risks, or afraid of what people say, think and react. Most of the time at least. If you know me or have been following me you’ll  know that I’m pretty fearless and live my life pretty close to the edge.

After having 2 kids I thought my life was over as I knew it. But I started taking greater risks. It’s scary but it is paying off. I feel like now more than ever, I need to do what I think is right. What my gut thinks is right. What my heart thinks is right. What kind of role model would I be to my kids if I didn’t?  Or to my wife?

I want to raise the bar. It’s scary. I need to do it with caution. A year ago, this post would be super scary. But now. I have raised the bar. I need to constantly keep doing this. You need to too.

I need you to be afraid, then I need you to do it. But with caution. We all need you more than ever now. Follow your heart and gut. Don’t you dare correct it after you’ve heard it the first time.

As a teacher I always find that the students get the correct answer the first time in the exam and as soon as they revise it, they rub it off and choose the wrong answer. Now I always tell my class, please answer it once and leave it. You’re heart knows best. Your gut knows best. You know best the first time. It’s when you over analyze what your insides are trying to tell you and try to navigate away, it fails you as well.

One shot. One life. Just once.

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