5 things that happened after I became a father

Camouflage 

I have become vey good at camouflaging. I sometimes purposely wear white to match the curtains in case I’m sneaking around the babies and they’re sleeping and they sense it and open an eye. I suddenly become the curtain. And they go back to slep thinking they saw dear daddy in their sleep..or dream. I also wear purple to become the carpet.

Noise blocking 

This technique I have come to master after being a father. I can now see the children cry and moan without hearing a thing, and this is most useful in the car. I now also use it in multiple occasions. I sometimes use it on my wife when she starts explaining why she needs to buy something.

Remembering my dreams

I usually forget my dreams as soon as I wake up or a little while later. But now when I wake up to the babies I make sure I keep it in my mind to start elaborating on it while I carry them and comfort them. As they’re screaming into my ears, all I’m thinking of are my dreams. My dreams have become so weird too. And. And. And I continue my dreams. That has never happened to me, but I get to put the baby( ies) back to sleep and continue where I left off. It’s like I almost have a hand in the dreams. Its magical.

Fecal matter doesn’t matter as much 

Fecal matter aka poop aka discharge aka dung aka manure aka crap aka stool aka SHIT doesn’t matter as much as it used to. It’s just fecal matter. You just have to discharge it or else your vocabulary widens and you start calling it shit. It starts with fecal matter and a smile. ” Fecal matter doesn’t matter =) ” but then as it sits and simmers it slowly transforms into a vocabulary war till it reaches SHIT.

The evolution of emotions 

They’re cute and that makes things easier but don’t for one minute think that you don’t imagine sucker punching them while they’re looking elsewhere. I love my kids to pieces but there are brief moments where time freezes and all I see is nuisance and I see my hand moving towards their face in slow motion but the reason its slowed down is because I’m a rational being and I do no fast forward. I love my kids. 🙂
And the fact that my feelings turn a little bitter but then gets restored shortly after is a good sign of love. Its healthy.

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