ABC

I walked up to him. It was windy and we stood right in front of the highway in winter.

Winter had already come. I walked up real close, took one glove out and  smacked him right in the forehead for stupidity. The sound was like music to my ears. He started yelling and protesting but I walked away and ignored everything else. The rest was not important to me. I got my satisfaction from the smack and the beautiful tune that came out of it.

A few days later, I felt a little guilty. Still proud but guilty and what if I handled it in a better way? What if I just spoke calmly and let him indulge in his stupidity and stubbornness. What did that slap in the head solve but my satisfaction?

He obviously still thinks he is right and makes a good point after that. So nothing really changed about the way he thinks. He just got humiliated and I felt better about it. But where’s the good in any of this? I mean is that self satisfaction really helping me?

I think it was helping my ego. And that’s not good. Ego is good, only when its going to do good. We need a little ego to get things done in life but not to hurt others like that, especially when it does not benefit anyone.

On another occasion I was then asked, what I though was a very stupid question. I thought about what I did the other day to the gentlemen and the noise his forehead produced was not one I wanted to hear again. So I kept my cool and thought about the question.

Here’s what my brain analyzed. Stupid, offensive and disciplinary questions are asked for 2 reasons.

  1. The person asking really doesn’t know what you’re talking about and they are genuinely curious. Which is always a good question to answer then.
  2. The second type is where they ask questions to just piss you off, annoy you or try and belittle you .

Number 2 is where I have trouble with. Or had. I’m working on them. People who want to belittle you or try to show you that they’re better than you are those who are little people inside and need to uplift themselves by showing you that they’re better.

Here’s the dirty secret. They never get uplifted by doing that. They just don’t know it. As proud as I felt that way, I really feel the need to keep doing that again and again to feel better. That’s why I had to stop doing it.

People who are miserable make others feel miserable. People who feel little need to belittle others. They get temporarily uplifted by being who they are to others.

Please forgive them. Smile. Answer them and walk away. And don’t ever look back.

Whenever you’re put in a situation always remember ABC

A lways

B e

C ool

Keep your cool, you’ll feel better, they’ll feel worse and you’re actually helping them overcome whatever they’re going through.

SO please ABC

The stalker I wasn’t

I was the one who’d walk in Universal city alone. It’s called Universal city because it’s a very universal place. People from all over the universe come to walk there. I was seen with some people but not a lot and was always finding something new to do on social media.

I later got a message saying this, :I . That is what they call a neutral smiley. I replied back saying Hi? . Then got nothing back. Told her I missed her and it’s been a while.  I asked “are you okay?” She replied a day later saying “LOL”. It was a Friday night. and she asked me why was I texting her on a Friday night, lonely much? She must have been confused about who text who. I said that I replied to her message and that’s why I’m texting. She then told me that my loneliness has turned me into stalker and I should stop stalking her. That was the end of the conversation.

I began wondering why would anyone in their right minds say such a thing? I did put in the probability that she wasn’t all there. But what if she was all there? Was it maybe because I walked a lot at Universal city alone?  Or it was because  it is a Universal place and I shouldn’t have been there alone? Maybe I wasn’t all there.

Then I deviated away from the stalker part and thought about how lonely people can be interpreted. Not just as a stalker but many sort of things as well. Weird, lonely ( which has become a modern day curse word) , loser, freak, loner?! 

We nowadays have become terrified of being alone not just because it’s scary but because of the way its perceived . Its looked upon as wrong, bad and very antisocial. It’s why many are depressed, stressed and in extreme cases suicidal. We don’t know how to be alone and that can be a dangerous thing.

Here are 7 things I do when I’m alone to keep from not being a stalker :

  1. Turn off all social media. When I’m alone being on social media is like calling depression my way. It’s just bad. When we’re alone and we see people supposedly living such brilliant, amazing shiny lives. How would that make me feel? I start wanting to visit countries, be places with people, marry celebrities and own a mansion. Staying away from social media is something I do for the sake of sanity. Phones all turned off and signed out of everywhere. Its toxic I tell you
  2. Write. Or type, I’m a horrible writer, I have really bad hand writing and when I start writing and look at my handwriting, it just discourages me and I stop. So I type instead. Type about what I’m feeling, things I want to do, make plans. Just open up an empty canvas and type. I guess that makes me a typist.
  3. Read. I read up on about how to be lonely better. I read interesting stories. What I always suggest to my students is to find something they’re passionate about and read up on about it. There’s no such thing as I don’t like reading. We all have an interest that we would LOVE to read about. Cars, football, games, self help ( don’t know why its called self help if the book is one that’ll be helping you. How about help book? ) . Maybe pick up a magazine, search blogs, just try it. Or ask a friend to lend you a book, sometimes helps in starting you off with reading.
  4. Call my best friend. Whenever I’m bored or have nothing to do, I end up calling my best friend and we just talk and talk and talk. It’s amazing what wonders friends can do. And if you’re really lonely and don’t have a best friend or your best friend isn’t much of a talker then don’t do this point. Or shoot me an email.
  5. Ponder. It’s nice to have some quiet time to myself, where I just wonder about the future, think of tomorrow and it’s amazing benefits. Or just sit in silent and see what ideas come up. If anything is great, I write them down so I can write about them or talk about them even.
  6. Walk. Walking is always a great thing to do when I’m alone. Especially when the weather is good. You just can’t beat a good old walk.
  7. Movies. If I have something good to watch a movie works like a charm on me. I put it on and it’s just me and the movie. Or even better, I go to the movies, get a large popcorn just for ME and enjoy. Why do people even go the movies together when you can’t even talk. Some people won’t even go the movies alone? Really? You want someone you know sitting beside you? Lone-a-phobic much?

And those are the main things that I do to not stalk my fellow social media people.

Now I really want to go to Universal city.

city walk

The movie that distracted me from writing

It’s one of those movies where you can’t turn down or if you’re reading the book then can’t put down. I have run out of words to put in a good post recently but will write regardless.

It’s about.. well it’s about a lot of stuff. Patriotism, friendship, pride, love, family and career. It’s a great combination of events going in, its fast paced but at the same time it gives you a little time to get you emotionally involved with the characters.  Now I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of movies and will continue to watch even hundreds more. I love it. It has my attention and it gives me something to think about. I think I’ll start writing about movies that are worth writing about and that can be seen by all ages. And that probably has a good moral.

So what movie/book am I talking about?! kite

Have you guessed it yet?

runner

Ok you may guessed it and you may have not. It’s kite runner!! The reason I write about this movie was because I just happen to watch while I was writing up a blog post and it completely deviated me from typing anymore. I mean completely. I watched this movie with ads. I forgot how good it was and I never watch movies ads. Yuck ads!!

Anyways, for those who may have seen or read, then you can read along. Those who haven’t if you don’t like spoilers then don’t I guess. But please watch or read it. Like for real.

The story takes place in the 197o’s in Afghanistan when it was all sunshine and rainbows before the war and the Taliban. It’s about 3 characters mainly, Ameer, Baba and Hassan. As children, Ameer and Hassan were inseparable; their long days under azure Kabul skies often spent getting into innocent mischief or preparing for the highly anticipated kite-fighting tournament. When the day of the tournament arrives, however, a glorious victory is quickly offset by an act of betrayal that ultimately serves as the catalyst for catastrophe. Not long after that fateful day, Amir moves away to America, leaving his old friend behind just as the country turn into a war zone. Two decades later, Amir returns to Afghanistan to find his beloved homeland has now fallen under the iron-fisted rule of the Taliban. Still, all hope for redemption hasn’t been lost just yet, because now that Amir stands face to face with the irrepressible secrets that he struggled so vigilantly to bury, he will receive one last chance to make peace with the past, and lay the groundwork for a brighter future.

Now, I haven’t read the book but some say that the movie is soulless compare to the book! WHAT?!. Man, then the book is definitely bound to turn me into a 13 year old girl. If you’re into reading and have the time. Buy the book, read it, get soft and feel better for you have read a masterpiece.

Not enough time and prefer a movie, watch it, turn into an 18 year old literature student that may or may not feel this emptiness in his/her heart towards the end of the movie. The movie is a little fast paced, and I’m sure by now tons of people have already watched it. But watch it again, just do it.

” For you readers a thousand times over”

Watch/read it and you’ll know what I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How I soul create 

As I walk towards the gazing sun with my backpack and tent, I stare at the sun and hope that like in the movies, I’ll hear a voice telling me “H A D Y….Y O U  A  R E   T H E   C H O S E N   O N E” . But instead I taste the salt that’s coming out of me only, and hear silence.

hike.jpg

My eyes hurt now. I haven’t worn sunglasses for over a year, but I’ve never stared at the sun for that long before. I take my cell phone out and start browsing topics I find interesting. I want to be a writer. So I started this blog, in the hope of it taking me somewhere. I already feel better. I wanted to swim in the ocean, so I walked back to my car with disappointment that I will not get to hear my calling in the desert. I drove to the nearest ocean and took off all of the heavy hiking equipment I had on, boots, prescription glasses and just dived right in. It wasn’t really a dive, I had to walk towards the shallow water first and it stayed shallow for quite some time, I was almost going to turn back disappointed but the water eventually had covered me from head to toe. More salty flavor, but this time it wasn’t coming out my body. I guess it was a good idea to replenish my salt stocks.

I didn’t expect the ocean to tell me anything, but I felt liberated. Isn’t that what we’re looking for?. Why did I want to hear my calling from the sun, wearing hard shell pants, a fleece pullover, a hard shell jacket, warm socks, insulated boots, and high gaiters in the midst of summer?  Is that the way that I want to remember my calling? I want liberty, freedom and justice for all. Ok, that’s a little over the top but freedom will do for now. Until my next post.

I was wearing myself down, doing things I didn’t enjoy even the idea, just so maybe I could find out if it was good for me or if I wanted to do that. People go through heaps of trouble and stress to look for what they’re calling is and don’t realize that it can be easier than buying a plane ticket to Ghana for a spiritual hiking trip. I have written about finding our callings previously but this post is an even a shorter cut to that. Makes any sense?

After that ocean swim I decided to mostly  do want I want (having a family prevents you from a 100% freedom but i’ll settle for  75-85%) and in regards to soul searching, I’ve found a cheaper and more efficient alternative to the Ghana trip. And probably safer too.Here’s what I do and my soul has been expanding since.

Stopped stressing about my soul. I stopped looking for meaning outside of my interests. If I don’t enjoy wearing high gaiters, then I decided I’m not going to do something I don’t enjoy to supposedly feel spiritual. I stopped overthinking what I love to do and did more of things I like and enjoy. Like this post right here.

  1. You will not feel awesome everyday. I don’t want to post everyday but I feel better when I do. I don’t want to workout everyday but I feel awesome after I do. The same goes with self love , work, teaching. You are not going to be happy waking everyday to do what you love, you will not love it everyday but you’ll definitely feel better after doing it, and that’s love. It’s messed up. Mood follows action.
  2. Take up a prova. Prova is the Italian word for “attempt”. I once thought I wanted to be a graphic designer because I like cartoons and I have a vivid imagination, so I attempted to take up a graphic design course  and dropped it 20 minutes later ( and I didn’t even get the full deposit back ). It just wasn’t for me. The seat I had to sit in, the boring software. I liked the idea of it but the reality was that it wasn’t my thing. So try things that you think you may like and see how it feels.
  3. Stop soul searching. And start creating. I started looking up classes I wanna take, courses and some I thought were fun, turned out to be a total disappointment of what I had in mind. I started creating content. Youtube, blogs, pictures and anything I could do to create. Then things and people come searching for you. Some want your help, your advice and some want to make a fool out of you. It’s all good.
  4. Create challenges. If there are things I feel good about after doing, then I try to challenge myself to do it everyday for a period of time and try and make a habit out of it. Every time I break that challenge, it’s harder to get back on, but I don’t dwell for too long, just maybe lose sleep for a day or two but then get back right at it.
  5. It’ll take time. Progress takes time, but when I stick I feel better a 100% of the time. Hang on to your happiness and good habits, you’ll be a better whole person for it. And as much as I hate to say this but patience is a virtue when it comes to soul creating. You don’t create in a week or a month. I think 5 years is a good time period to see where I have come. So don’t lose hope and stick stick stick. You fall off the wagon, fine. Cry for a day or two, make your life and everyone else’s a living hell then get back on it and feel better. Others will too.

I follow these simple guidelines for a period of time and I almost always feel better.On to creating some more soul. If you read this and felt like creating a soul for yourself. Let me know how it goes.

 

It’s what you say

I was walking by the coffee shops with a friend and we meet an old friend of mine. We greeted and caught up a little. All I remember from the conversation was that it ended by her telling me ” You’re not a very nice person”. The rest is all cloudy.

I tried to remember the conversation and trace what I could have said  offensively. That was a problem, I didn’t know what I said until “You’re not a very nice person ” came out. Fortunately I had my friend with me to tell me what happened. He went over why she got upset and what I shouldn’t have said. I still wasn’t convinced that I was wrong. But Im sure glad he was there.

It’s not up to us to decide how we are sometimes. I have recently began owning how I am ( at least most of the time). Before when someone told me “You’re a prick”,  I would say ” NO, I’m not”. Well it’s not up to me is it? It’s like me telling someone you have something on your face and they say “NO, I DON’T” . I’m owning it and will analyze ( again, a lot of the time but not always ) it to see how I got there.

We all see through different lenses and when a majority of the people tell you, that you’re behaving like a @##$, then maybe and just maybe they may be right. Who knows? Give it a minute and think about it. I want to be silent for a second or two now when someone asks me something. Take a deep breath, think about the question, then think about what I’ll answer, freak them out a little and then answer. I’m really working on it and it’s a work in progress.

I very very rarely mean to offend or hurt somebody. But I still do, its something that i’m living with but I always have the best intentions in mind. Some people are more sensitive than others, and others more tolerable. Nothing you can do about that. The right people will stay and the sensitive will have people with a higher tolerance level… Sorry, I mean patience and compassion. This was just an example of how my words go wrong.

It’s a work in progress. Are you working towards something too?