Guilt and waste

I’ve always wanted to write about something really great that I have accomplished. Something where I can tell people “hey, check me out!! Now be like me”.

But I don’t think I want that anymore. I mean sure every now and then I’ll write about something I’ve accomplished to hopefully inspire one person. Just one will do.

But this post is for me more than anybody else. As I write this, I won’t mind if someone shares the same sentiments as I.

I’m heading towards my late 20’s and I’m afraid. I know a lot of you readers are older than that and this applies to everyone who is still breathing. But I have changed my perspective on life but I’m still afraid. The older I get, the faster time goes by for some reason. I remember the days where I would tell people I’m older just so I can feel like a cool old dude who has it all figured out and has seen everything that life has to offer. What an ignorant fool was I.

Now I proudly still people I’m twenty…… It feels good. I like it. I want time to freeze  time while I tiptoe around it. I now look back at how much time I wasted and what I could have achieved earlier. But it’s all good. Patience. They were all valuable lessons that I can talk about .

The faster you waste time, the faster you learn I guess. I see people living the same life over and over and over and over and over again. They go to work, complaint, stay up, come to work, complain, buy stuff they don’t need. Have an okay weekend and repeat.

And I see people living life like it’s their last. Literally. In a very disturbing YOLO hipster psycho way. Where they do things to hurt their, bodies, mind and spirituality in a way that takes a whole lot to recover from. Leaving them with memories not too fond of sharing.

I see people living for others. As noble as that is, they’re not happy. And I don’t mean the kind of life that Mother Teresa lead. I mean a life where they have to provide for their family at the age of 70 as their family suck the living life out of them leaving them with no soul left.

Balance is hard. And the good examples out there are scarce. I am afraid I end up regretting even more than I do now. I’m afraid that I reach my time without treading lightly on this earth and not doing my part for leaving it better. I’m afraid I don’t do fulfill my duties to God. I’m afraid.

But writing all of this, I can always look forward to tomorrow. And in case I’ve dropped dead at least this post will have reached one of you. And my feeling and intentions will have be put out there for the world to take in and maybe cause others to tread lightly.

And as I write this I know that my heart and mind are in the right place. I am in a good place and will try and not waste as much time anymore. It feels good.

I was hoping that I type this to you 10 years from now with accomplishment so big that the world could be a better place for it.

Here’s what I planned to name it

“Don’t be guilty of a wasted life”

How they digged their own graves

There he was. Smoking his way to the grave. A pretty good way to go if, if you ask me. If you enjoy it. Until you’re almost at the grave and then you really don’t wanna go. It’s not that you just don’t want to go anymore, cause who does? It’s what happens to you before you go. He was detoriating slowly. Deteriorate here means die slowly and painfully without you having any control over it and no amount of painkillers can stop it, but maybe deteriorate it even more ( make it slower ) which is bad news really. You’re just staying alive to be punished. Maybe that will make it easier after you’ve died already.

I asked him after his second diagnosis of confirmed cancer if it was from all the smoking, but he was quick to reply “NO”. I’ve been smoking all my life, can’t be it. If it was, it would have killed me a long time ago. But his premature aging and wrinkly cheeks were signs that this was coming sooner or later. Bless him.

This other guy I knew was convinced that he’s healthy and that his oversized gut was genetic and that it runs in the family. After a stroke he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol ( heart disease) and high blood pressure. He was later served the same food he always ate and refused to make any dietary changes or take medication because he was healthy and the stroke was just an incident that had occurred and was unavoidable. The next stroke he had numbed half his face leaving him partially blind and they had to amputate one of his legs due to poor blood circulation. He wished the stroke took him all the way to the grave instead of the emergency room.

What did these 2 stubborn but loving men ( to their families ) have in common ?

Well for one they became a damn burden to their loved ones and society as  a whole. They were living on the concept that if we have all done this for a long time then it’s perfectly fine. Their loved ones now had to take special care of them.

I like how the word “special” can mean the exact opposite depending on context. You’re a special boy, can mean you are mentally retarded ( literally and/or figuratively) and it can mean you’re wonderful ( Extraordinary). Their kind of “special” treatment led to others being handicapped by serving them in “special ways” no one had the pleasure of doing.

What does this teach me though?

It teaches me to look past culture and society. It teaches me that cultural habits can be very damaging if done long enough and it can damage myself and others around me in the long run. It teaches me that to deteriorate through cultural habits is bad. It teaches me to have an open mind when someone tries to teach me or even tell me something new and not be dogmatic about it. It teaches me also to be bare the pain of seeing dogmatic and stubborn loved ones dig a hole while I can’t do a single thing about it. That’s always the hardest part.

Good news for the diabetic dude though. The next stroke took him. Not sure if it was good or bad news for his loved ones. Maybe a little bit of both. A sort of a mixed feeling.
God rest their souls, and ours too while I’m at prayer mode.Amen.


The alarm went off and it was 4:15 am. I slept at 12 cause who sleeps on race night right? The dude on stage said even pros don’t so I figured I won’t even try and just stay up and stay relaxed. I had slept well 2 nights before so all was good I guess. The alarm goes off. I wake up, drink water and figure it’s still early anyways, so I lie down a little more. It’s funny how I’d fall fast asleep an hour before transition opens but no sleep would come to me 5-7 hours before. Weird.

I wake up again, have some more water and make a 7 banana smoothie not because I want to but because I have to. So I force some down. Gotta get a cleanse going. I then mix 2 electrolyte drinks with powders I got online and are suppose the best stuff out there. I have never tried them before. I always try new stuff on race day. A friend of mine recommended I take his pre work out powder supplement because it helps so much in the gym and it would keep me going long and hard. Now this is some funky stuff. Basically it’s a shit ton of caffeine with some anti-oxidants thrown in. Now, I NEVER drink caffeine anymore and haven’t in over 2 years. Which is great cause that will make me caffeine sensitive and it will work even better, right?. The container said take one scope but my friend recommended a scope and a half since its a long race. I was heading there not knowing that  the swim has been cancelled, we were suppose to start at 7. So I took it at 6:30 so that the caffeine kicks in. The swim got cancelled due to strong currents ( which I was disappointed about but applaud Ironman Bahrain for putting out safety first ). Race started at 8:15. I was jumping around the start line waiting for my batch’s turn. ( Every 5 athletes were sent out to the bike transition within a period of 15 seconds or so) . I had one gel on me only for emergency just in case I needed it. It was caffeine based, it was GU caramel macchiato caramel machiato

MY turn came up! I sped to T1 and passed my bike, had to run back and look for it carefully. The adrenaline was really kicking in. As I took my bike and took off, I saw the GU gel on the floor, had no idea how it fell off, I picked it up and got on the bike and away I went. ( Later saw another Gel on my race belt. Turns out someone dropped the one I picked)

All I had for nutrition were in my bottles and I wasn’t going to eat anything. That was the plan. We had one lane to ourselves and  the other 2 were for drivers. This year the race was way more organized, less people were complaining. The wind was brutal, at first all we had was head wind and I was just pushing through. After passing the Bahrain Bay bridge and heading towards city center mall was super windy that a few bikes in front of me were going side ways due to the head wind.

At the 22km mark exactly, my stomach began to hurt a little, then the more I pedaled the more it hurt. At 26km the pain was unreal. I don’t ever remember having this much stomach pain. I was riding with one hand on the handle and the other rubbing my stomach. I was barely pedaling. All I could think of at the time was is this what woman have to go through every single month? MY God. The pain was getting worse and then at 36k I stopped on the side and got off my bike. I was butt sore from not spending nearly enough time on the bike and my stomach ache nearly put me in tears. Lots of athletes passing by asked if I was okay, everyone’s trying to be nice while fighting their own battles. You can always appreciate a good gesture knowing what everyones going through. That’s it I wanted out, but the only way out was to get back on my bike. It was a tough time and not a porta potty in sight. I wasn’t sure if it was the pre work out supplement or my mixes or the combination of it all. It was then just me and the highway and everyone else passed me by then. All eyes were on  me.Some looked at me with pity, some with sympathy, some with curiosity.I felt like Simba when he was deserted and left for dead   ( for some reason Simba always pops into my head )help simba

10-15 minutes later I got back on my bike and slowly pedaled, just wanting to get somewhere I can get off. At 50k the pain was completely gone and I began to push real hard to make up for lost time.I must have passed around 20 cyclists and then I decided to finish the bike leg. I was getting hungry and took the GU gel and stared at it for a second, feeling very afraid. This gel was either going to make me or break me. I took it. Thank God I didn’t get anymore stomach ache but got a burst of energy. And from there I went head to head with the wind.

Now when it got really windy I would tell my legs,” easy girl, easy”. Don’t know why i’d call them that but it worked and I’d spin on a low gear with high cadence and just embrace the head wind. I reached  T2 in 3 hours and 32 minutes ( not counting the 10 mins stop). I got off the bike put on my running shoes and visor cap and surprisingly didn’t quit yet. I continued running. I decided to use the bathroom to urinate because I didn’t want to half way of the run. Legs were mush but guess I was going to run anyway. Entering the bathroom, luckily saw a cleaner there who was kind enough in helping me unzip my suit from the back ( also the 1st time wearing this suit to a race) . After the bathroom, I started jogging again and maaaaan was it hard to get running again. My legs were so stiff, mainly my thighs felt locked up. I asked myself whether I really wanted to do this. “Are you really going to run a half marathon Hady? really? Your longest run being the 10k a month ago and before that…? ” So I felt an injury coming. I could have run it but I don’t have that racing mentality anymore. That do it no matter what mentality, even if you finish crawling. I have nothing to gain by doing it and a lot to lose. I could have done it and injured myself and spend time recovering. I’m all about health over fitness. I used to race no matter what before and I did finish races and ended up injured a lot. Not doing that ever again. I don’t have anything against that mentality IF you’re well trained. I know my body very well and it was trying to tell me something and I listened. Sure this is a mind game but we need to get out of this physically well or as well as we can.But me knowing what I knew, training for a month, that was enough reason to get out of it. So after 2.2k I headed to the finish line smiling and everyone cheering me thinking I actually finished the race. Awkward moment there.

After the finish line we had chiropractors and physiotherapists to work on us and boy was that that the highlight of my race. I had a sore upper back and burning thighs. The physiotherapist did some voodoo on me and I was up and cracking. Fantastic work, I felt rejuvenated. They’re an awesome clinic called In touch, and they definitely In touched me very well. You can check them out here

One of the main reasons I wrote this post is tell people that “it’s okay “. It’s okay to forfeit a race if you feel you’re going to get injured. It’s okay to listen to your body when everything else is telling you to push. It’s okay to tell people you DNF ( did not finish) . This doesn’t mean you’re a quitter, this means that you have raised above opinions and criticisms and you listened to the one most important and sacred thing to you. Your body. But if you want to go all out, knock yourself out, i’ve done it a lot in the past and it’s an experience. It’s worth it for some and they love it!! It all depends on what it means to you. I choose health over fitness and I urge you to do it at least the majority of the time.

And here’s how I celebrated my DNF . Best vegan pizza I’ve had so far.

I want to personally thank Sh. Sager and the Ironman Bahrain team ( Suzy, if you read this, awesome job) tri life for being there for the athletes and for taking customer service a notch up, and for always looking out for me. Endura, the amazing volunteers, and everyone who cheered me on, and last but definitely not least Intouch.

How to disappoint the people in your life

I’ll start with my boss. He asks me to go and measure a door so we can make a wrought iron door for our new customers or something like that. “Hady, you remember how it’s done, right?”. “Pfft, mm yeah ha ha ha of course”. So, on the way there I start making phone calls left and right for someone to explain to me how to take proper measurements but no one helped or actually no one had a clue how to. So I called my boss and asked him, “just double checking here, but we start from the corner right?”. I took the measurements the best way that I could and went back to the office, he measured them, priced them and called the customer to tell him how much it would cost. He agreed, right away. He later found out that I took the measurements wrong and we priced him around a 100 dinars less so he had to call back and give him the news.

This other time, my friend asked me to pick him up because he didn’t have a car and he had a meeting to attend to, his meeting was at 6. I get off work at 5:15 and it takes me half an hour to get to his place and another half an hour to reach his meeting. I agreed anyways, this guy’s company is so much fun, you can’t blame me. I get off work and it’s rush hour. I reach his place around 5:45, and he’s standing out there, with a long face, as a long as a horse’s. He wasn’t very pleasant to talk to that day.

This other time, I wanted to take my wife out to a fancy restaurant, I just felt like she’d deserved it since I’ve been always working and this was a good way to reward her, so I told her this week, I’m taking you somewhere nice ;). I then checked my bank account and I had just enough for one meal at that fancy restaurant so it was either we go there and she orders while I sit there, smile and compliment the way she looks, the way she eats and the way she holds her cutlery or we eat sandwiches at home and maybe make some banana smoothies. We ended up staying home and having banana smoothies, cause we didn’t have bread at the time and no one felt like getting bread, actually no one wanted sandwiches either.

I once asked a girl to marry me and she said “yes”.  After that happened I was so unsure that I stopped taking her calls, messages and was always “busy”. She then later met me and asked me If i was sure about what I asked. I said “pfft, yes?!, come on babe, seriously?” . I then dodged just enough phone calls to not seem like I wasn’t a 100% sure. I was ok with her knowing that I was in the 50/50. Long story short, she stopped taking my calls after that and I think she later moved to South East Asia to pursue her dreams of being free?! Something between those lines.

After so many more disappointing situations, I began to think about why these things happen to me?  And I now always analyze every favor and every thing asked of me. Can I do it? Sometimes I just shout out a straight ‘NO, sorry cant and then a few seconds later “oh, wait, I guess I’m free and yea I guess I can”. Or I tell them  “I’ll do it but I can’t promise that I”follow through” . I have said “NO” so many times since I’ve slightly come back to my senses and I have disappointed way less friends and family members. Next time someone asks you to marry you, take a second to think about it!