The stalker I wasn’t

I was the one who’d walk in Universal city alone. It’s called Universal city because it’s a very universal place. People from all over the universe come to walk there. I was seen with some people but not a lot and was always finding something new to do on social media.

I later got a message saying this, :I . That is what they call a neutral smiley. I replied back saying Hi? . Then got nothing back. Told her I missed her and it’s been a while.  I asked “are you okay?” She replied a day later saying “LOL”. It was a Friday night. and she asked me why was I texting her on a Friday night, lonely much? She must have been confused about who text who. I said that I replied to her message and that’s why I’m texting. She then told me that my loneliness has turned me into stalker and I should stop stalking her. That was the end of the conversation.

I began wondering why would anyone in their right minds say such a thing? I did put in the probability that she wasn’t all there. But what if she was all there? Was it maybe because I walked a lot at Universal city alone?  Or it was because  it is a Universal place and I shouldn’t have been there alone? Maybe I wasn’t all there.

Then I deviated away from the stalker part and thought about how lonely people can be interpreted. Not just as a stalker but many sort of things as well. Weird, lonely ( which has become a modern day curse word) , loser, freak, loner?! 

We nowadays have become terrified of being alone not just because it’s scary but because of the way its perceived . Its looked upon as wrong, bad and very antisocial. It’s why many are depressed, stressed and in extreme cases suicidal. We don’t know how to be alone and that can be a dangerous thing.

Here are 7 things I do when I’m alone to keep from not being a stalker :

  1. Turn off all social media. When I’m alone being on social media is like calling depression my way. It’s just bad. When we’re alone and we see people supposedly living such brilliant, amazing shiny lives. How would that make me feel? I start wanting to visit countries, be places with people, marry celebrities and own a mansion. Staying away from social media is something I do for the sake of sanity. Phones all turned off and signed out of everywhere. Its toxic I tell you
  2. Write. Or type, I’m a horrible writer, I have really bad hand writing and when I start writing and look at my handwriting, it just discourages me and I stop. So I type instead. Type about what I’m feeling, things I want to do, make plans. Just open up an empty canvas and type. I guess that makes me a typist.
  3. Read. I read up on about how to be lonely better. I read interesting stories. What I always suggest to my students is to find something they’re passionate about and read up on about it. There’s no such thing as I don’t like reading. We all have an interest that we would LOVE to read about. Cars, football, games, self help ( don’t know why its called self help if the book is one that’ll be helping you. How about help book? ) . Maybe pick up a magazine, search blogs, just try it. Or ask a friend to lend you a book, sometimes helps in starting you off with reading.
  4. Call my best friend. Whenever I’m bored or have nothing to do, I end up calling my best friend and we just talk and talk and talk. It’s amazing what wonders friends can do. And if you’re really lonely and don’t have a best friend or your best friend isn’t much of a talker then don’t do this point. Or shoot me an email.
  5. Ponder. It’s nice to have some quiet time to myself, where I just wonder about the future, think of tomorrow and it’s amazing benefits. Or just sit in silent and see what ideas come up. If anything is great, I write them down so I can write about them or talk about them even.
  6. Walk. Walking is always a great thing to do when I’m alone. Especially when the weather is good. You just can’t beat a good old walk.
  7. Movies. If I have something good to watch a movie works like a charm on me. I put it on and it’s just me and the movie. Or even better, I go to the movies, get a large popcorn just for ME and enjoy. Why do people even go the movies together when you can’t even talk. Some people won’t even go the movies alone? Really? You want someone you know sitting beside you? Lone-a-phobic much?

And those are the main things that I do to not stalk my fellow social media people.

Now I really want to go to Universal city.

city walk

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How they digged their own graves

There he was. Smoking his way to the grave. A pretty good way to go if, if you ask me. If you enjoy it. Until you’re almost at the grave and then you really don’t wanna go. It’s not that you just don’t want to go anymore, cause who does? It’s what happens to you before you go. He was detoriating slowly. Deteriorate here means die slowly and painfully without you having any control over it and no amount of painkillers can stop it, but maybe deteriorate it even more ( make it slower ) which is bad news really. You’re just staying alive to be punished. Maybe that will make it easier after you’ve died already.

I asked him after his second diagnosis of confirmed cancer if it was from all the smoking, but he was quick to reply “NO”. I’ve been smoking all my life, can’t be it. If it was, it would have killed me a long time ago. But his premature aging and wrinkly cheeks were signs that this was coming sooner or later. Bless him.

This other guy I knew was convinced that he’s healthy and that his oversized gut was genetic and that it runs in the family. After a stroke he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol ( heart disease) and high blood pressure. He was later served the same food he always ate and refused to make any dietary changes or take medication because he was healthy and the stroke was just an incident that had occurred and was unavoidable. The next stroke he had numbed half his face leaving him partially blind and they had to amputate one of his legs due to poor blood circulation. He wished the stroke took him all the way to the grave instead of the emergency room.

What did these 2 stubborn but loving men ( to their families ) have in common ?

Well for one they became a damn burden to their loved ones and society as  a whole. They were living on the concept that if we have all done this for a long time then it’s perfectly fine. Their loved ones now had to take special care of them.

I like how the word “special” can mean the exact opposite depending on context. You’re a special boy, can mean you are mentally retarded ( literally and/or figuratively) and it can mean you’re wonderful ( Extraordinary). Their kind of “special” treatment led to others being handicapped by serving them in “special ways” no one had the pleasure of doing.

What does this teach me though?

It teaches me to look past culture and society. It teaches me that cultural habits can be very damaging if done long enough and it can damage myself and others around me in the long run. It teaches me that to deteriorate through cultural habits is bad. It teaches me to have an open mind when someone tries to teach me or even tell me something new and not be dogmatic about it. It teaches me also to be bare the pain of seeing dogmatic and stubborn loved ones dig a hole while I can’t do a single thing about it. That’s always the hardest part.

Good news for the diabetic dude though. The next stroke took him. Not sure if it was good or bad news for his loved ones. Maybe a little bit of both. A sort of a mixed feeling.
God rest their souls, and ours too while I’m at prayer mode.Amen.

How to disappoint the people in your life

I’ll start with my boss. He asks me to go and measure a door so we can make a wrought iron door for our new customers or something like that. “Hady, you remember how it’s done, right?”. “Pfft, mm yeah ha ha ha of course”. So, on the way there I start making phone calls left and right for someone to explain to me how to take proper measurements but no one helped or actually no one had a clue how to. So I called my boss and asked him, “just double checking here, but we start from the corner right?”. I took the measurements the best way that I could and went back to the office, he measured them, priced them and called the customer to tell him how much it would cost. He agreed, right away. He later found out that I took the measurements wrong and we priced him around a 100 dinars less so he had to call back and give him the news.

This other time, my friend asked me to pick him up because he didn’t have a car and he had a meeting to attend to, his meeting was at 6. I get off work at 5:15 and it takes me half an hour to get to his place and another half an hour to reach his meeting. I agreed anyways, this guy’s company is so much fun, you can’t blame me. I get off work and it’s rush hour. I reach his place around 5:45, and he’s standing out there, with a long face, as a long as a horse’s. He wasn’t very pleasant to talk to that day.

This other time, I wanted to take my wife out to a fancy restaurant, I just felt like she’d deserved it since I’ve been always working and this was a good way to reward her, so I told her this week, I’m taking you somewhere nice ;). I then checked my bank account and I had just enough for one meal at that fancy restaurant so it was either we go there and she orders while I sit there, smile and compliment the way she looks, the way she eats and the way she holds her cutlery or we eat sandwiches at home and maybe make some banana smoothies. We ended up staying home and having banana smoothies, cause we didn’t have bread at the time and no one felt like getting bread, actually no one wanted sandwiches either.

I once asked a girl to marry me and she said “yes”.  After that happened I was so unsure that I stopped taking her calls, messages and was always “busy”. She then later met me and asked me If i was sure about what I asked. I said “pfft, yes?!, come on babe, seriously?” . I then dodged just enough phone calls to not seem like I wasn’t a 100% sure. I was ok with her knowing that I was in the 50/50. Long story short, she stopped taking my calls after that and I think she later moved to South East Asia to pursue her dreams of being free?! Something between those lines.

After so many more disappointing situations, I began to think about why these things happen to me?  And I now always analyze every favor and every thing asked of me. Can I do it? Sometimes I just shout out a straight ‘NO, sorry cant and then a few seconds later “oh, wait, I guess I’m free and yea I guess I can”. Or I tell them  “I’ll do it but I can’t promise that I”follow through” . I have said “NO” so many times since I’ve slightly come back to my senses and I have disappointed way less friends and family members. Next time someone asks you to marry you, take a second to think about it!