Fad diets work

One of my work colleagues all of a sudden came to work after a long leave a different person. I mean that literally and not figuratively. He actually came back a lot thinner. This is the guy with man boobs, a beer like belly and a bad attitude.

We all thought he did some kind of surgery or magic. But he didn’t. He did something called the apple diet.  He lost tons of weight. For a while. He looked at us all high and mighty. That only lasted 2 weeks though. He then started over eating due to being on a very restrictive diet and starving himself. He ballooned again, and we all were happy to see his man boobs return. He was a prick.

Another friend of mine was getting married and she wanted to look good for her honeymoon pictures..or just look good in the honeymoon. So she decided 4 days before the wedding to lose a tremendous amount of weight. She asked me to make 11 bottles of green smoothies everyday for 3 days. She started getting the chills about marriage and thought she’d never even make it to the honeymoon. She got lightheaded, even more frustrated at everyone around her but ended up losing the weight. The smoothie fast worked. After the honeymoon she was nicknamed Winnie the pooh. The buffets looked irresistible after 4 days of juice only. Well, it’s the first impression that matters most I guess.

Another frustrated overweight, almost obese buddy of mine was sick and tired of feeling unattractive. He went from eating half the store to eating almonds and yogurt. I really wish I could say that any changes even happened. He didn’t make it pass day 3. But i’m sure if he did, he would have lost tons of weight.

Moral of story? These fad, 7 day bikini body definitely works. Yes, they do. For a while. You end up going through an excruciating physical and psychological mess, just to get even fatter. If you want long term results, please be patient, take the right path to physical and mental health and wait for it. Your body waited for you to fatten it with butter, salt and sugar. It didn’t happen overnight. It’s now your turn to wait.

Please wait for it


See through my eyes…

I got a phone call and he called me a Jerk. I later got a message and was called a misleading person. Later that day I went to work and was called an asshole, but I started mentioning the benefits of being one. They didn’t appreciate the humor.

I went for a walk, the weather was improving. I had a lot on my mind. I was trying to decide whether I was an asshole or a jerk. Big difference. I then went to the supermarket to buy some raisins but I figured I’d try to dehydrate fresh grapes and see what comes out the other side. As I dehydrated the grapes, I was also told that I’m wrong. How dare I dehydrate grapes? I then took two dry grapes and shoved it down their mouths. “Eww, what is this? ” . I had one and it was juicy and I just thought that I did a good thing and I think I beat inflation too. I took my dried grapes to work and put it outside in the open for others to have. They asked me where did I buy these amazing raisins from?. I wasn’t sure if they were messing with me.

I then installed my smoothie stall at a bazaar and had made so much green smoothie that I was worried it would have to be thrown out.smoothie stall A customer came by and asked for a smoothie and wanted to know my recommendation. Knowing it had spinach and lettuce in it, I said to her lemon w/mint. She drank it and said “Wow, this is good “. I then told her ‘Its spinach, lettuce, pineapple, cinnamon and bananas. She walked away and came back a little later and said “I’m sorry can I have something else, I just can’t handle the spinach. It tastes like grass, I just can’t take it” .

With all the situations above I struggled and tried very hard to explain myself. No, I’m not an asshole, maybe a jerk, but no not a jerk either okay. I didn’t mean for you to see it this way. But these are raisins and they’re home-made from fresh grapes. But it’s good for you and tastes delicious, you didn’t even feel the spinach and lettuce, until I mentioned. But wait,come back!!!

It was all false hope until someone came back and told me she believed the smoothie was good for her and she wants to buy 5. I later got a call from my colleagues at work and she said I was only an asshole and not a jerk. A family member was impressed with how I made home-made raisins that were juicier, tastier and cheaper too.

I stopped explaining why I may be an asshole but not a jerk. I stopped telling everyone the green smoothie was good for them and I wanted to get rid of it before it goes bad. The few who came back told me that they see it. We then all stood together and handed each other a pair of eyes and began to see more and more of what we are. When I was done, I returned the lenses and wanted mine back. I nearly slapped the person next to me but just before I touched the cheek, I remembered that those aren’t his lenses anymore and I was looking through my own lenses. I put down my hand and slowly walked away knowing that we don’t see things as they are but as we are.  I then went home and had a goodnight’s sleep knowing that I have people to share eyes with and those will be enough till the end of time. It was sad but refreshing. I wanted so many more eyes. I bought a pair of glasses and that was as far as I could go with the eyes. I stopped explaining to everyone why they should see it as I do. It’s hard and I don’t expect to see it how they do. And I fell asleep with 2 extra pair of eyes.