My top 3 most memorable jokes

Today I thought of an old joke.

Then I decided to write a post about my top 3 memorable jokes.

Here they are

  1.  This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, “Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I’m gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop.” The bartender looks. I mean, we’re talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, “Now wait, let me get this straight. You’re tryin’ to tell me you’ll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?” Customer looks up and says, “That’s right.” Bartender says, “Young man, you got a bet.” The guy goes, “Okay, here we go. Here we go.” Pulls out his thing. He’s lookin’ at the glass, man. He’s thinkin’ about the glass. He’s thinkin’ about the glass. Glass. He’s thinkin’ about the glass, glass. Thinkin’ about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he pisses all over the place. He’s pissin’ on the bar. He pissin’ on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He’s pissing everywhere *except* the  glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he’s laughing his ass off. He’s $300 richer. He’s like, “Ha, ha, ha, ha!” Piss dripping off his face. “Ha, ha, ha, ha!” He says, ” You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta.” Guy goes, “Excuse me just one-one little second.” Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there’s a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, “Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300.” And the bartender’s like, “What are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!” The guy says, “Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you’d be happy.”
  2. Three tomatoes are walkin’ down the street.
    Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
    Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
    Goes back and squishes him and says: “Ketchup.”

  3. An poor indian man walks into a store looking for toilet paper. He tells the store owner that he’s so poor he can’t afford toilet paper, so the owner tells him he has a new product ( toilet paper ) and he’ll give it to him if he uses it and comes back with a good name for the toilet paper. The guy comes back a few days later and tells him, ” I have the perfect name for it. Mahatma Gandhi” .  The store owner got furious and told him how dare you, he’s our national leader, you’re a disgrace. The guy then tells him calmly ” Wait wait, calm down baya. Let me tell you why the toilet paper should be called that. They both have 3 similarities. Both Gandhi and the toilet are rough, tough and took shit form nobody “

” Drum roll “