Question part 2

He asked me why? And I answered. But why? I just don’t get it.

Somethings we’re just not suppose to get it. We just do it I replied.

It got me thinking late about his questions. They were very good questions. Hard ones, the ones that leave you wondering about your whole purpose.  I wandered in the car that day thinking of nothing but the questions that were asked. But one question stood out. A very easy question that we all had a right to know, since we were all doing it.

What is the meaning of life? That was the question. Easy. Right?!

He was depressed and was looking for answers. He needed something to hold on to.  Life is….I paused. He looked at with teary puppy eyes. A lot of hope were in those eyes. How could I have not answered him.

Life means doing good. Life means purpose. Life means living for tomorrow. Life means surrounding yourself with so much good that you can’t be touched by much bad. Life means to enjoy every moment of every day and every good thing that you have in your life. Life is surrender. Like means worshipping.Life means battle. Life means survive for an even better life. Life is fighting for what’s right. Life is letting go of what doesn’t grow anymore. Life is fear and standing in the face of it. Life is pain. Life is adventure. Life is experience. Life is art and life is creation.

I just kept going and going, I was on a roll. I wanted to give him reason to believe that life is a lot more than what he’s going through. I didn’t want to sound over positively so I added in a little pain to let him know that pain is part of the process and that life is messy but it’s all about how we perceive it and that life comes in many forms. Love, pain, confusion etc.

When I look back at what I told him, I’m proud of how I phrased it all and I he made it out of the that depressed phase he was in. For a while at least.I hope someday when he is feeling down again and life took has become pain again, he can look back at this and realize that there’s so much more to life than pain and it’s all a part of the process.

At least that’s my understanding of life. There are tons of books out there with what life really means but I’m pretty satisfied with what I’ve manifested.

To life *Raises half peeled banana*

How they digged their own graves

There he was. Smoking his way to the grave. A pretty good way to go if, if you ask me. If you enjoy it. Until you’re almost at the grave and then you really don’t wanna go. It’s not that you just don’t want to go anymore, cause who does? It’s what happens to you before you go. He was detoriating slowly. Deteriorate here means die slowly and painfully without you having any control over it and no amount of painkillers can stop it, but maybe deteriorate it even more ( make it slower ) which is bad news really. You’re just staying alive to be punished. Maybe that will make it easier after you’ve died already.

I asked him after his second diagnosis of confirmed cancer if it was from all the smoking, but he was quick to reply “NO”. I’ve been smoking all my life, can’t be it. If it was, it would have killed me a long time ago. But his premature aging and wrinkly cheeks were signs that this was coming sooner or later. Bless him.

This other guy I knew was convinced that he’s healthy and that his oversized gut was genetic and that it runs in the family. After a stroke he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol ( heart disease) and high blood pressure. He was later served the same food he always ate and refused to make any dietary changes or take medication because he was healthy and the stroke was just an incident that had occurred and was unavoidable. The next stroke he had numbed half his face leaving him partially blind and they had to amputate one of his legs due to poor blood circulation. He wished the stroke took him all the way to the grave instead of the emergency room.

What did these 2 stubborn but loving men ( to their families ) have in common ?

Well for one they became a damn burden to their loved ones and society as  a whole. They were living on the concept that if we have all done this for a long time then it’s perfectly fine. Their loved ones now had to take special care of them.

I like how the word “special” can mean the exact opposite depending on context. You’re a special boy, can mean you are mentally retarded ( literally and/or figuratively) and it can mean you’re wonderful ( Extraordinary). Their kind of “special” treatment led to others being handicapped by serving them in “special ways” no one had the pleasure of doing.

What does this teach me though?

It teaches me to look past culture and society. It teaches me that cultural habits can be very damaging if done long enough and it can damage myself and others around me in the long run. It teaches me that to deteriorate through cultural habits is bad. It teaches me to have an open mind when someone tries to teach me or even tell me something new and not be dogmatic about it. It teaches me also to be bare the pain of seeing dogmatic and stubborn loved ones dig a hole while I can’t do a single thing about it. That’s always the hardest part.

Good news for the diabetic dude though. The next stroke took him. Not sure if it was good or bad news for his loved ones. Maybe a little bit of both. A sort of a mixed feeling.
God rest their souls, and ours too while I’m at prayer mode.Amen.

The movie that distracted me from writing

It’s one of those movies where you can’t turn down or if you’re reading the book then can’t put down. I have run out of words to put in a good post recently but will write regardless.

It’s about.. well it’s about a lot of stuff. Patriotism, friendship, pride, love, family and career. It’s a great combination of events going in, its fast paced but at the same time it gives you a little time to get you emotionally involved with the characters.  Now I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of movies and will continue to watch even hundreds more. I love it. It has my attention and it gives me something to think about. I think I’ll start writing about movies that are worth writing about and that can be seen by all ages. And that probably has a good moral.

So what movie/book am I talking about?! kite

Have you guessed it yet?

runner

Ok you may guessed it and you may have not. It’s kite runner!! The reason I write about this movie was because I just happen to watch while I was writing up a blog post and it completely deviated me from typing anymore. I mean completely. I watched this movie with ads. I forgot how good it was and I never watch movies ads. Yuck ads!!

Anyways, for those who may have seen or read, then you can read along. Those who haven’t if you don’t like spoilers then don’t I guess. But please watch or read it. Like for real.

The story takes place in the 197o’s in Afghanistan when it was all sunshine and rainbows before the war and the Taliban. It’s about 3 characters mainly, Ameer, Baba and Hassan. As children, Ameer and Hassan were inseparable; their long days under azure Kabul skies often spent getting into innocent mischief or preparing for the highly anticipated kite-fighting tournament. When the day of the tournament arrives, however, a glorious victory is quickly offset by an act of betrayal that ultimately serves as the catalyst for catastrophe. Not long after that fateful day, Amir moves away to America, leaving his old friend behind just as the country turn into a war zone. Two decades later, Amir returns to Afghanistan to find his beloved homeland has now fallen under the iron-fisted rule of the Taliban. Still, all hope for redemption hasn’t been lost just yet, because now that Amir stands face to face with the irrepressible secrets that he struggled so vigilantly to bury, he will receive one last chance to make peace with the past, and lay the groundwork for a brighter future.

Now, I haven’t read the book but some say that the movie is soulless compare to the book! WHAT?!. Man, then the book is definitely bound to turn me into a 13 year old girl. If you’re into reading and have the time. Buy the book, read it, get soft and feel better for you have read a masterpiece.

Not enough time and prefer a movie, watch it, turn into an 18 year old literature student that may or may not feel this emptiness in his/her heart towards the end of the movie. The movie is a little fast paced, and I’m sure by now tons of people have already watched it. But watch it again, just do it.

” For you readers a thousand times over”

Watch/read it and you’ll know what I mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 days to ironman 70.3 Bahrain

I’m sore  and haven’t tapered yet. Ordered top of the line nutrition and a wrong order arrived. I have been swamped with work and cannot say no to it, because as a freelancer you just can’t refuse work, not at this stage of my life at least.

I’ve trained for this race for under a month. My longest run was the 10k I wrote about around 3 weeks ago. And it wasn’t even fast. I’m trying to sleep more, but it can be challenging.

I have a few ticks up my sleeve and will see how it goes. Humble goal: 6:30, non realistic goal: beating last years time of 6:10 ( which I was kind of in shape for ) and the  unattainable goal under 6 hours.

For now, eat super well, try and get as much sleep as I can and easy workouts. Work load is increasing by the day. That’s good if it was any other time. But that’s life. Throwing curve balls at me. Just have to me focus and deal with it the right way.

To all you tapering. I salute you. See you at the start line.

what I do when I can’t produce well

There comes days when I don’t have it in me to write. It’s either to late and I’m not in the right state of mind to post anything with good structure, or I didn’t prepare anything mentally because its been such a fast paced day.

I still want to write though, but it will not be as good as my other structured posts. Funny enough its the unstructured ones that get the most views. Most of the times at least. So here’s what I do when I can’t think of anything good to write.

  1. I read blogs. Reading is what helps me become a better writer, so when I’m all dry. I start reading content that interest me or bloggers who I enjoy reading. My current top 2 bloggers are James Altucher’s  blog and Mark manson’s as well. Those 2 are my go to when I’m just out of it.
  2. I read books. I pick up a book and just read through it. It must be a book I enjoy or else I’ll never read it. I like delving into other books and read into the writing style and get some new insight.
  3. Watch a movie/tv series. At times I’ll watch something of interest. I’m a sucker for good quality movies and tv shows. So when I can’t produce any content I go look at content and just immerse into that until the next best thing pops into my head.
  4. Talk to people. I’m lucky to have interesting people to talk to. That in itself is a very rare thing these days. I’m lucky I live with an intellectual human being and work with people that can simply mind boggle me. I love it.
  5. Sleep. When I’m all dry and have the attention spam of a fish, it’s maybe time to hit the sack and restore some more brain cells. I used to sleep 5-6 hours a day. Now I say 8-10  to be on your sharpest. You can absolutely feel the difference. Whoever tells you 5 hours is enough, please slowly back away from them, turn around, walk and don’t look back. Or look at what they have accomplished in life (usually tells you a lot) and are they living to their full potential.

When you find something you love. Surround yourself with it. Even If I can’t write, I look for ways to be better at it without actually writing. If you enjoy building legos then read books on that or watch videos of people playing with legos. If you’re into cooking, then surround yourself with chefs, people who enjoy cooking and watch some good cooking shows.

Surround yourself with what you’re passionate about and it will take care of itself, even when you’re not passionate about doing it everyday.

I’m now feeling the number 5 symptom.

 

How to be pure

He was staring at me non stop. It was probably my man bun. I was looked at in weird ways by abusers, liars, hypocrites, cheaters with a few thieves thrown in. But they were better people than I was. They were the chosen ones, all hand picked by God himself. Anyone to forfend by what they believed was wrong, were WRONG. There was no messing with those people.

I was covered in shame, trying to hide my face using my hair. Since they weren’t pleased by the man bun, I untied it and let my shoulder length hair cover my face so I could hide behind it. I took a peek through the layers and they weren’t happy at all. It felt like they were casting me out of heaven forever. I left there with hate and promising to grow my hair even longer. I have now become stubbornly hateful because I was jealous of those who had the key to heaven. Since I was out anyways I was gonna be bad to the bone.

After watching Terminator 2 for some motivation on being bad to the bone I got even more upset because the bad guy was liquid metal and there was no way in hell I could be like that. Great, now hell too.

I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that I wasn’t casted our of heaven yet. I am not dead yet. I have time to redeem myself and have a clean bun instead of a messy one.I figured I’d start there. I felt better about myself. I went in to work lifting my bun with pride. It was all neatly tucked in and I was getting less dirty look and more clean looks.

I then saw someone walk in with an undercut. How dare he walk in here looking like that?!!! Where does he think he is? This is the middle east. Then walked in a women with a pierced lip. HOW DOUBLE DARE YOU? You both ought to DOUBLE DATE. I then remembered how I was casted out of heaven with mere judgmental looks. I stopped casting them out and smiled at them. They looked at me weirdly. I smiled even more hoping they could the read the smile, which read ” It’s okay, I understand. I know what you go through sometimes. And I’m not casting you out of heaven, don’t worry.” They walked out and we lost 2 potential clients. But at least they walked out knowing I was with them.

I made another decision , to never try and cast anyone out of heaven again or give them judgmental looks. We are all going through our own journey and kindness always wins. I was gentle with myself and It worked. The gentler I became with people, the more they accepted me and I them. I formed a bond with myself and a pact to never judge anyone based on appearance, race, color or food choices ( I’m working on this one ) .

And how did I get my self out of hell after being casted out of heaven?! It was one good decision. And I think that’s something I ought to work on more often. Making better decisions. 

I have rid myself out of the purist mentality a long time ago and have met and made more friends with people from all walks of life. Some who didn’t even walk much. And I’ve accepted them in my heart. It all started with a better decision. So the next time I make a move, I’ll think of the better decision and take that one step forward. We will always be on a high horse and look down at other, the purer we are. Lets rid ourselves of purity. It’s non existent. Making a better decision exists and the next good decision will be to post this.

DONT BE A PURIST. MAKE BETTER DECISIONS ( Note to self )

 

It’s what you say

I was walking by the coffee shops with a friend and we meet an old friend of mine. We greeted and caught up a little. All I remember from the conversation was that it ended by her telling me ” You’re not a very nice person”. The rest is all cloudy.

I tried to remember the conversation and trace what I could have said  offensively. That was a problem, I didn’t know what I said until “You’re not a very nice person ” came out. Fortunately I had my friend with me to tell me what happened. He went over why she got upset and what I shouldn’t have said. I still wasn’t convinced that I was wrong. But Im sure glad he was there.

It’s not up to us to decide how we are sometimes. I have recently began owning how I am ( at least most of the time). Before when someone told me “You’re a prick”,  I would say ” NO, I’m not”. Well it’s not up to me is it? It’s like me telling someone you have something on your face and they say “NO, I DON’T” . I’m owning it and will analyze ( again, a lot of the time but not always ) it to see how I got there.

We all see through different lenses and when a majority of the people tell you, that you’re behaving like a @##$, then maybe and just maybe they may be right. Who knows? Give it a minute and think about it. I want to be silent for a second or two now when someone asks me something. Take a deep breath, think about the question, then think about what I’ll answer, freak them out a little and then answer. I’m really working on it and it’s a work in progress.

I very very rarely mean to offend or hurt somebody. But I still do, its something that i’m living with but I always have the best intentions in mind. Some people are more sensitive than others, and others more tolerable. Nothing you can do about that. The right people will stay and the sensitive will have people with a higher tolerance level… Sorry, I mean patience and compassion. This was just an example of how my words go wrong.

It’s a work in progress. Are you working towards something too?

How I learnt to need human beings less and make friends with freaks like myself.

It’s 4am and the sun’s coming out. It’s a Friday morning and I have been sleepless for a couple of days now, apart from the power naps I take while I’m in the office or doing something important. Why don’t we ever fall asleep that fast when we’re at home, tired and exhausted ? Probably cause I had the latest iMac and was too excited to sleep, even though id regret it in the morning.

I’d wake up drained and as the English say it “Knackered “. I’d wake up feeling very needy and would crave some attention from other fellow humans. I’d make up scenarios in my head and fantasize about how good friends/buddies we are.

I’d constantly call people and would like to do something, I needed the attention, I had so much to say, so much to give but I couldn’t get any sleep. I was constantly depressed. I saw a therapist and asked for a solution. She told me to love myself and get to know me!

I thought I knew who I was, I just needed to share it with someone, the therapist refused I call after working hours, unless I was willing to pay a certain fee. I couldn’t afford it, so I was back to square 1. Why can’t I sleep, make lots of friends and influence loads of people ?”

So I started a daily practice, and slowly did things that helped me be a better person to myself and be less of a drain to others. I started asking myself “what do you want?”  I need people to like me “why?” . There lied the answer! Why would anyone like me?  What do I have to provide? Friendship isn’t enough! How about money with that? When I finally decided to pay my therapist to call after working hours, that was also refused. So I guess money is out of the equation too.

I began to learn new skills, read a few pages every night and found passion in sports. After, a while I enjoyed being with myself. I slept!!! I slept, oh man did I sleep! I no longer needed anyones attention, I shared the knowledge I learnt and that was enough, and then I finally knew how to choose my friends.  Here’s what I learnt:

  1. You have to give to take back : I was always such a drag and had nothing valuable to give sometimes, add that to lack of sleep and I could be a very unpleasant person to be around.
  2. Trust human beings: trusting that others will love you for who you are, letting everything else go. I just had to trust that my friends would want to hang out with me again, so I learnt to be patient by doing things I’m passionate about ALONE.
  3. Believe in yourself: “If you won’t then who will?” Just kidding, that a cheesy motivational meme I read. Believe that you possess the skills to keep yourself happy ( at least for a while ) and believe that you have the power to do amazing things while in solitude, just with a little focus and sleep.
  4. Choose wisely: if you’re circle of friends aren’t fueling you with passion, humor and acceptance, then its time to get out of the bubble and maybe draw a square to get into, and invite only those who are worthy of your weirdness.

I’m sleepy now, the lights are dim and I don’t want to need you more than you need me. It says that you’re on 33%, but I’m on 18%. Sorry laptop, but I can’t give you 33% This is a give and take.

needy