A few days ago I attended a funeral. I assisted in burying a man.
I assisted in carrying but not in burying truth be told. As I saw people bury the body everything in my head was in slow motion. The dust, the wrapped body, the faces, some sad and some expressionless. For a split second I felt more alive than ever. I was standing above ground. Above the dirt. I had a shot. Just one more shot to redeem myself.
I more shot to smile, feel and do. My ideal funeral is one where I’m being buried and everyone is high fiving each other, laughing, smiling and talking about how great I made them feel and how fully I lived. Usually when people are like that the harder the cries. But I’d prefer smiles and laughs. Pretty silly.
I want to attend more funerals now. They are a great reminder of how short life can be.
It is now 7:59 am.
The baby’s asleep and I really need to go to the bathroom. But I have multiple things stoping me.
- The noise I may make that’ll wake the baby up
- The comfort of my bed
- My train of thought may be interrupted
Looks like I won’t be getting up for a while so I might as well continue writing.
This feels a bit foreign but I won’t make it stop me from writing. Here’s the thing with taking a break from something you love and want to improve on. You suck at it again for a while. And I mean everything. Everything from sports to writing. Ask any consistent runner how their run feels after coming back from a 2 week vacation. Horrible!
So this is me sucking at writing. I don’t even know if I was ever any good. Ok, I was kind of good.
But I’m giving myself permission to suck. Permission to try. Permission to take that step and permission to express.
What are two things that hold us back? The two main things that hold us back from being better versions of ourselves.
1.FEAR: I wanted to learn how to skateboard a while ago, but was reluctant due to it being dangerous and the weather and and and and ….A little fear kicked in. I also wanted to travel all over the gulf and make a video about it. That’s not a scary thought but it’s scary spending all of that money at times like these.
2. LAZINESS: After I overcame my fear of learning how to skateboard I never bothered looking into buying one. I mean I did ask a friend about where I could buy one but that was about it. I didn’t follow up. I got lazy. I faced my fear but did nothing about it.
I later figured I’d ask companies to pay me to travel and in return I’ll make them an ad. I overcame that fear. One company I approached liked the idea. It just needed 2-3 other videos from me until they could “ok” that one. I beat that fear and still didn’t work on any video for them yet.
Today morning after doing some reading I began to think about my life and how fortunate I am to be alive and living in this part of the world, surrounded with people I love and living a comfortable lifestyle. I then beat laziness. I beat fear as well. Opened this page, said to myself ” Hady, you are going to suck at this post. So do it now and suck less the second time.
Now I really have to go to the bathroom.