Question part 2

He asked me why? And I answered. But why? I just don’t get it.

Somethings we’re just not suppose to get it. We just do it I replied.

It got me thinking late about his questions. They were very good questions. Hard ones, the ones that leave you wondering about your whole purpose.  I wandered in the car that day thinking of nothing but the questions that were asked. But one question stood out. A very easy question that we all had a right to know, since we were all doing it.

What is the meaning of life? That was the question. Easy. Right?!

He was depressed and was looking for answers. He needed something to hold on to.  Life is….I paused. He looked at with teary puppy eyes. A lot of hope were in those eyes. How could I have not answered him.

Life means doing good. Life means purpose. Life means living for tomorrow. Life means surrounding yourself with so much good that you can’t be touched by much bad. Life means to enjoy every moment of every day and every good thing that you have in your life. Life is surrender. Like means worshipping.Life means battle. Life means survive for an even better life. Life is fighting for what’s right. Life is letting go of what doesn’t grow anymore. Life is fear and standing in the face of it. Life is pain. Life is adventure. Life is experience. Life is art and life is creation.

I just kept going and going, I was on a roll. I wanted to give him reason to believe that life is a lot more than what he’s going through. I didn’t want to sound over positively so I added in a little pain to let him know that pain is part of the process and that life is messy but it’s all about how we perceive it and that life comes in many forms. Love, pain, confusion etc.

When I look back at what I told him, I’m proud of how I phrased it all and I he made it out of the that depressed phase he was in. For a while at least.I hope someday when he is feeling down again and life took has become pain again, he can look back at this and realize that there’s so much more to life than pain and it’s all a part of the process.

At least that’s my understanding of life. There are tons of books out there with what life really means but I’m pretty satisfied with what I’ve manifested.

To life *Raises half peeled banana*

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How to be pure

He was staring at me non stop. It was probably my man bun. I was looked at in weird ways by abusers, liars, hypocrites, cheaters with a few thieves thrown in. But they were better people than I was. They were the chosen ones, all hand picked by God himself. Anyone to forfend by what they believed was wrong, were WRONG. There was no messing with those people.

I was covered in shame, trying to hide my face using my hair. Since they weren’t pleased by the man bun, I untied it and let my shoulder length hair cover my face so I could hide behind it. I took a peek through the layers and they weren’t happy at all. It felt like they were casting me out of heaven forever. I left there with hate and promising to grow my hair even longer. I have now become stubbornly hateful because I was jealous of those who had the key to heaven. Since I was out anyways I was gonna be bad to the bone.

After watching Terminator 2 for some motivation on being bad to the bone I got even more upset because the bad guy was liquid metal and there was no way in hell I could be like that. Great, now hell too.

I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized that I wasn’t casted our of heaven yet. I am not dead yet. I have time to redeem myself and have a clean bun instead of a messy one.I figured I’d start there. I felt better about myself. I went in to work lifting my bun with pride. It was all neatly tucked in and I was getting less dirty look and more clean looks.

I then saw someone walk in with an undercut. How dare he walk in here looking like that?!!! Where does he think he is? This is the middle east. Then walked in a women with a pierced lip. HOW DOUBLE DARE YOU? You both ought to DOUBLE DATE. I then remembered how I was casted out of heaven with mere judgmental looks. I stopped casting them out and smiled at them. They looked at me weirdly. I smiled even more hoping they could the read the smile, which read ” It’s okay, I understand. I know what you go through sometimes. And I’m not casting you out of heaven, don’t worry.” They walked out and we lost 2 potential clients. But at least they walked out knowing I was with them.

I made another decision , to never try and cast anyone out of heaven again or give them judgmental looks. We are all going through our own journey and kindness always wins. I was gentle with myself and It worked. The gentler I became with people, the more they accepted me and I them. I formed a bond with myself and a pact to never judge anyone based on appearance, race, color or food choices ( I’m working on this one ) .

And how did I get my self out of hell after being casted out of heaven?! It was one good decision. And I think that’s something I ought to work on more often. Making better decisions. 

I have rid myself out of the purist mentality a long time ago and have met and made more friends with people from all walks of life. Some who didn’t even walk much. And I’ve accepted them in my heart. It all started with a better decision. So the next time I make a move, I’ll think of the better decision and take that one step forward. We will always be on a high horse and look down at other, the purer we are. Lets rid ourselves of purity. It’s non existent. Making a better decision exists and the next good decision will be to post this.

DONT BE A PURIST. MAKE BETTER DECISIONS ( Note to self )

 

How I soul create 

As I walk towards the gazing sun with my backpack and tent, I stare at the sun and hope that like in the movies, I’ll hear a voice telling me “H A D Y….Y O U  A  R E   T H E   C H O S E N   O N E” . But instead I taste the salt that’s coming out of me only, and hear silence.

hike.jpg

My eyes hurt now. I haven’t worn sunglasses for over a year, but I’ve never stared at the sun for that long before. I take my cell phone out and start browsing topics I find interesting. I want to be a writer. So I started this blog, in the hope of it taking me somewhere. I already feel better. I wanted to swim in the ocean, so I walked back to my car with disappointment that I will not get to hear my calling in the desert. I drove to the nearest ocean and took off all of the heavy hiking equipment I had on, boots, prescription glasses and just dived right in. It wasn’t really a dive, I had to walk towards the shallow water first and it stayed shallow for quite some time, I was almost going to turn back disappointed but the water eventually had covered me from head to toe. More salty flavor, but this time it wasn’t coming out my body. I guess it was a good idea to replenish my salt stocks.

I didn’t expect the ocean to tell me anything, but I felt liberated. Isn’t that what we’re looking for?. Why did I want to hear my calling from the sun, wearing hard shell pants, a fleece pullover, a hard shell jacket, warm socks, insulated boots, and high gaiters in the midst of summer?  Is that the way that I want to remember my calling? I want liberty, freedom and justice for all. Ok, that’s a little over the top but freedom will do for now. Until my next post.

I was wearing myself down, doing things I didn’t enjoy even the idea, just so maybe I could find out if it was good for me or if I wanted to do that. People go through heaps of trouble and stress to look for what they’re calling is and don’t realize that it can be easier than buying a plane ticket to Ghana for a spiritual hiking trip. I have written about finding our callings previously but this post is an even a shorter cut to that. Makes any sense?

After that ocean swim I decided to mostly  do want I want (having a family prevents you from a 100% freedom but i’ll settle for  75-85%) and in regards to soul searching, I’ve found a cheaper and more efficient alternative to the Ghana trip. And probably safer too.Here’s what I do and my soul has been expanding since.

Stopped stressing about my soul. I stopped looking for meaning outside of my interests. If I don’t enjoy wearing high gaiters, then I decided I’m not going to do something I don’t enjoy to supposedly feel spiritual. I stopped overthinking what I love to do and did more of things I like and enjoy. Like this post right here.

  1. You will not feel awesome everyday. I don’t want to post everyday but I feel better when I do. I don’t want to workout everyday but I feel awesome after I do. The same goes with self love , work, teaching. You are not going to be happy waking everyday to do what you love, you will not love it everyday but you’ll definitely feel better after doing it, and that’s love. It’s messed up. Mood follows action.
  2. Take up a prova. Prova is the Italian word for “attempt”. I once thought I wanted to be a graphic designer because I like cartoons and I have a vivid imagination, so I attempted to take up a graphic design course  and dropped it 20 minutes later ( and I didn’t even get the full deposit back ). It just wasn’t for me. The seat I had to sit in, the boring software. I liked the idea of it but the reality was that it wasn’t my thing. So try things that you think you may like and see how it feels.
  3. Stop soul searching. And start creating. I started looking up classes I wanna take, courses and some I thought were fun, turned out to be a total disappointment of what I had in mind. I started creating content. Youtube, blogs, pictures and anything I could do to create. Then things and people come searching for you. Some want your help, your advice and some want to make a fool out of you. It’s all good.
  4. Create challenges. If there are things I feel good about after doing, then I try to challenge myself to do it everyday for a period of time and try and make a habit out of it. Every time I break that challenge, it’s harder to get back on, but I don’t dwell for too long, just maybe lose sleep for a day or two but then get back right at it.
  5. It’ll take time. Progress takes time, but when I stick I feel better a 100% of the time. Hang on to your happiness and good habits, you’ll be a better whole person for it. And as much as I hate to say this but patience is a virtue when it comes to soul creating. You don’t create in a week or a month. I think 5 years is a good time period to see where I have come. So don’t lose hope and stick stick stick. You fall off the wagon, fine. Cry for a day or two, make your life and everyone else’s a living hell then get back on it and feel better. Others will too.

I follow these simple guidelines for a period of time and I almost always feel better.On to creating some more soul. If you read this and felt like creating a soul for yourself. Let me know how it goes.