A few weeks ago, or maybe months. Time is just flying by.
A fellow colleague of ours lost her husband while she was teaching a class. She didn’t know that she had lost him until she arrived to the hospital. They told her that he fell and is in emergency room. By the time she left her class and got to the hospital, he was already dead.
I was a little shaken up by that. I mean people die everyday, every minute and probably every second. But people who are close to you, its different. She came back to work pretty quick. In around 2 weeks or so. Maybe she needed the money, or maybe she had to get out of the house because there was nothing she could really do. I don’t know.
We all expressed our condolences and that was pretty much the end of it. At least for me. Every time I see her I feel awkward. I’m not sure whether to smile or say hello and walk away or ask her about her feelings. I don’t know. I’m afraid she doesn’t want to be reminded and also afraid that she thinks that I’m being an insensitive prick. And I really don’t which one I am. Maybe I am one.
In my heart, I don’t want to hear about it because I haven’t been trained to deal with such grief. And also don’t want to. I’m a busy person. And plus I see her in between classes, wouldn’t that be awkward to talk about her husband’s death which may end up a disaster and then we both have to end up going to a class. Me writing this makes me feel like I’m not the best person in the world right now.
The world is full of pain and suffering but we don’t talk about it enough. We kind of have 2 sides. Too much pain and suffering and too many masks on. We all know that someone who constantly complains about every single damn thing. I honestly think they ruined it for me because I usually think keep that s*** to yourself.
But not every problem is s***. Not every problem should be neglected. Some need to be dealt with. Some need love, care, attention and pretty much a support group.
I have so made so many assumptions about my colleague’s feelings that I didn’t stop and just ask her. I did once and she said ” good good”. I said good, I’m glad and quickly walked away before she said anything else and possibly break down in tear. It’s messed up.
I now want to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. If she cries, she cries. She can tell me if she doesn’t want me to bring it up. She can tell me.
She can tell me.