The language of crying

After being a father, I’ve realised that crying is a form of communication and not just expression. Actually it all began after I became a husband then a father.

I look at my kids cry and try to figure it out. Mostly, it’s because they can’t speak yet. So the only way to actually express is through crying because it’s frustrating not to be able to convey the message that it makes them cry.

But different cries mean different things. Usually my youngest, Sam needs a good dose of crying before he doses off. It’s a form of a workout, it takes a lot of him. So he just has to express his stubbornness through tears until he realises he’s wrong and I’m right. It’s like we’re talking. I wish I could say it’s beautiful but it’s not. It’s frustrating.

Tears don’t make me comfortable. Neither adult ones or baby ones.

Now the interesting thing about crying is that it doesn’t just make your face wet, or your non-waterproof mascara become a form of combatant face paint. It in fact has a whole host of other effects; your heart rate increases, you sweat, your breathing slows and you can get a lump in your throat – known as the globus sensation. This all occurs as a result of your sympathetic nervous system (that’s your ‘fight or flight’ system) activating in response to your break-up situation – and any psychic tear-producing one for that matter.

Tears are scientifically proven to make you feel better. I hope science helps me with that cry more often too.


Here’s a brief on loving

Love is a new currency.

I’ve never heard the word ” Love” thrown around as much as I have in the last few years.

Sure, love has and always will be an essential part of this world. But now it’s become for sale. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but it’s sad because the world has reached the point where love has to be taught.

One thing I’ve recently come to learn and it’s probably the hardest thing about love and that is learning ” how to love” .

We all want to be loved. We all want to be cared for and we all want to be the centre of attention, but in however way it suits us.

I love in different ways than you do. I’m not crazy about doing the lovey dovy things that you want and you’re probably not crazy about doing the stuff I love.

The secret to loving well?

Love unlike you get loved ( Unless they love precisely the way you do, a very unlikely scenario )

That’s hard work. That’s love.

Good luck.


Midnight diaries

At midnight I get desperate. Like a man whose out of a job, thinking how he’s going to pay next month’s rent.

Especially desperate when I haven’t written yet.

But I almost love desperate times. Just almost.

Because desperate times calls for desperate measures. It does. And as soon as I get desperate, I panic and start thinking the unthinkable and that is to just ” write ”

Write because my sanity depends on it. Because in desperate times we grow. We break out from the little box that we are confined in. As free as a little bird every morning that just goes out to do it’s thing without worrying where it’s going to get its next meal from.


After I finish my video edit. I panic and think of my writing. After I finish writing I panic and think of my journal. After I write in my journal I panic and think about how late it’s gotten. After I get to bed I panic about how I don’t sleep enough. After I don’t fall sleep in 3 minutes I panic about being an insomniac. After I self diagnose myself with insomnia I stay calm.

Because now there’s nothing I can do. I am an insomniac and that’s the end of this post.


A little bit about success.

Let me talk a little about success. Just a little, because I think I have a little of it. So I can’t exactly boast. But again success means something very different to many different people. In my perspective I have a little. Now that we have that covered, let me tell you now.

Every time I remember I wanted to overcome something in my life to make it to the other side, there was always and I mean always something that kept me from getting to it. Always.

Like the first time I wanted to skip school, there were so many obstacles and I mean so many. To me that was success at the time. Like I said, many meanings to success. In order to skip class that day I had to go through the receptionist, my dad and the school principle. That was a lot. But I did it, sure the consequences were pretty bad. But I succeeded.

It’s always very very hard. People are gonna be in your way, timing will never ever be perfect.  It’s a hopeless romantic, but not a lot of people love those stories. A special kind of people. Ask anyone you know, are you a hopeless romantic? Not many will say ” yes ”

Not many will succeed. Not many have. Only those hopeless ones that cry through out the book or movie, but still continue because it hurts so much but it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. runme

I just wanted to say that.

A mainstream model could never be a Women’s activist

Height 5’8 to 6’0.

She then asked, ” ok, weight? ”

They replied: A good rule of thumb is that anyone who has a total BMI of 17.5 our below is considered overweight. A good target for a model would be about 18.5 BMI.

” oh, oh and…the camera should like you. You should also have evenly distributed facial features. ”

What do you mea, she asks?

“Chiseled bone structure and high cheek bones; this is because the camera does tend to do wonders with these types of faces. An oval shaped face is ideal for modeling as it can take just about any hairstyle, short or long, bangs or all one length. This is important when a client is looking for a specific look and diversity is important. Faces that are symmetric are very important when it comes to taking good photos.

And you should also be ready and able to take on any challenge no matter how unpleasant it may seem. Nobody wants to work with a split brat now, do they? ”

I’ve seen a few models who are supposedly women right activists. How does that even work? Here’s why if you’re a mainstream model, drop the whole being a female activist. If anything you’re a disgrace to the movement and you’re making hundreds ( or millions, depending how big you are ) of girls feel bad every day.

Your job is to go out there and be used as a tool and be objectified by the fashion industry so that other women buy that brand that’s associated to your ego & the companies $$$ that should make them feel and look as “beautiful” as you are.

What is beautiful?

Thin, youthful and stunning.

Sure there’s the occasion “overweight ” chick in the 120th issue everyone raves about, but we then move on to copy a 120 more issues with the above impossible standards and then throw a bone to the rest of the “normal looking” girls. And of course the whole ” big is beautiful ” is a whole other extreme that deserves a post of it’s own.

Your second job is to make young women insecure, or even more insecure than how the world already makes them feel like. Same goes for dudes. The shredded 365 days a year shredded look is not only unsustainable but it’s f****** unhealthy and costs a ton to join the roid circus too. But us being men, we tend to have thicker skin just because we have less societal pressure to look a certain way.

Thanks to Leo, the man bod is a thing you guys can be proud of.

I’m definitely not saying being a model is a ” bad ” job.

Well, after everything I wrote I think it’s a pretty shitty job actually .

To propagate skinny, youthful, and sexy ( industry standards ) , to make girls & both guys insecure, to objectify yourself and be at mercy to an industry that stand for…I don’t even know what they stand for.

I’d say quit your job and do something that make others “really ” feel good about themselves.

Or just don’t be a Women’s activist. You can’t be one. There is no room for people like you in the movement.

God bless.

Blocking writer’s block

I’ve read so many points and posts about writer’s block.

Most of the points are good, and some are just there for the sake of writing something. Such as ” call an old friend ” . I don’t even know if that’s a valid point. If anything that’d block out even more stuff. But regardless every writer has their own method and whatever works for you doesn’t necessarily work for me.

But here’s one way to block write’s block forever. Sit down and write.

As simple and confusing as it sounds, it’s the raw truth. Sit your haunches down and start writing. Whether on paper, computer or typewriter because you’re cool like that. Just write.

It doesn’t have to flow. It doesn’t have to be shakespeare. It has to be words on paper. On a screen. Just words.

You start writing whatever comes to mind and don’t stop until you’ve written something worth sharing. And discard the rest. If it’s all not worth sharing then title it ” Not worth sharing “

Do we hate anything we did as kids?

My wife made us an incredible pie. God, I was so tempted to type baked us a pie but it was a raw pie. It was super delicious,  yummy, nutritious and zero processed sugar. Sweetened with innocent dates.

Part of the layer had some mushed bananas. It took me a little back to pie I used to eat in the states from Marie Callender’s Bakery and Cafe. Apart from their legendary apple pie, they had this banana cream pie that I absolutely adored. Looks like I was also a banana boy.

banana pir

That got me thinking, do we dislike anything we did as children? Anything at all. Sure we stop doing it, but do we dislike it. I often hear people talk about music they grew up too, food they grew up eating, movies they grew up watching all the way to things they used to do.

Do we ever really change?

Is there such a thing, or do we just evolve and keep on doing more, trying more and being more. I’d like some comments on this post, just so I can hear out people’s opinion on these nostalgic memories that always seem to be good.

I’m only talking of course about things we enjoyed, not involuntary thing.

Here’s one thing for sure, I’m not exactly crazy about trying my favourite childhood banana cream pie. I looked up the ingredients and there’s no BLOODY BANANAS IN THE BANANA PIE, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUDGE.

The s*** we ( used to ) eat . I think I may have just changed. Just maybe. Apart of me has detached and I like it.

Here’s a line I weirdly remember from the movie ” The prince & me”

Change is not bad, if it’s for the better.

Don’t quote me on that.

best pie

Winter is coming ( Someday )

I of all people couldn’t be happier to wait for winter. I don’t really miss it and honestly this weather is just beautiful and perfect.

Cold showers, short sleeves and shorts. Life is complete. I do not enjoy the light sweaty walks to work though. But there’s always a compromise. Always.

If you sit back and think about the things that you have compromised, you’d be surprised. We don’t usually take time to ourselves to think about stuff like that. But we should. Reflection is good. Helps you avoid any future compromises.

So until winter comes, I shall think of the compromises I have made and be grateful.

I dedicate this piece to winter.

The man who stops at nothing for adventure racing

Here’s a non fiction story for you.

I met a guy here 2 years ago. He was training for his first ever 70.3 Ironman. After finishing it, he was hooked, he found his passion and wanted to continue doing this on a higher level.

2 months later he did his first full marathon with me.

amir marathon

It was intense. Video, if you click on this.  Then 2 months later he did his first ever full ironman in South Africa. He was then hooked to adventure racing. He wanted nothing more.

He later also signed up to one of the toughest half iron distances in the world. Challenge Ice Land. He flew to the magical land of Ice and did a freezing cold triathlon. He came back a changed man, with addiction and adventure deep in his eyes. Video also here if interested. 

He quit his job and signed up for a gruelling 100k race in the mountains of Malaysia where he’d be put to test of what he’s made of. Without income it was hard for him to pursue this one, but he stopped at nothing. He looked for sponsors to support his dream. He’d commute the island on bike since he didn’t have a car until he got run over. Twice 

amir bike

Luckily he was fine.

Without a bicycle to commute, he had to make phone calls and rent a car with his limited money to get to where he needed. He finally got an organisation to back him up and in return he promised to throw a fundraiser and support 4 charities that he was passionate about.

He went to Malaysia and finished the race in 27 hours. Please let that sink in. 

He came back signed up for Ironman Bahrain 2017 without a bicycle. Rented a bicycle and did the race.

amir ironman 2017

He did end up throwing a fundraiser,

cleaned up the beaches of Bahrain to promote his cause and now wants to do a 100 mile race in the desert of beautiful India. If you’re reading this, and can in anyway support his dream.

Do a good thing.

God bless.


amir end

Follow me on instagram : @elcotth

One thing I’m really working on

I always tell myself I’ll do something. We all do. Most of us don’t ever do it.

Some of us do it half way then stop, because we are full of valid excuses and a very few of us do it regardless.

How to be in the very few category?

I found the answer. I did. You can fall off the wagon and forgive yourself.

What is the wagon?

The wagon is the journey you set yourself on. The one where you promised yourself to do something, even if it’s as simple as ” cook lunch today ” .

Notice that I typed forgive. But not forget. This is also a perfect occasion for all you people who are into rock and or roll to listen Papa Roach’s song ” Blood “. The first time I heard this song I was in junior high. I went out and secretly bought the album because it was so so good.

Here’s the first verse and most importantly the chorus too :

I will forgive but I won’t forget
And I hope you know you’ve lost my respect
You better watch out ’cause you don’t know what’s going on around you
You better think twice before you fly off the handle and lose it
You better join us before you get lost in the shuffle
You gotta rise against the demons that are gonna try and hold you down
Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?
Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?
Let me now explain the relevance of this song to what I’m talking about. You forgive yourself for falling off the wagon or getting left behind due to life not being aligned with our schedules.
I will forgive but I won’t forget
You forgive yourself for not being a machine but never forget about getting back on the path to your dreams, goals, plans, and cooking a delicious lunch for you and your loved ones. Or else you become a leaf passing by. If that sounds romantic to you then stay where you are.
And I hope you know you’ve lost my respect
You better watch out ’cause you don’t know what’s going on around you
You better think twice before you fly off the handle and lose it
Those who you look up to, those who are living lavish lifestyles, those who have ” made it  ” in your eyes are people you know absolutely nothing about. Don’t wish on becoming someone else or living a certain way as so and so. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. Work on becoming the best you . And work on doing work just as good as your admirers because you know nothing.
You better join us before you get lost in the shuffle
You gotta rise against the demons that are gonna try and hold you down
Get back to your wagon and join those are changing the world, living magnificent lives and leaving this place bette than it was. Fight through the pain, the gravity, the pull from society, the laziness and the demons inside you. And just take one step back into the wagon.
Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?  
You are the one you love. Do not betray him/her.
If you can’t do it today. Do it tomorrow. The day after or next week, but please leave behind the all or nothing mentality for it will destroy me. *Note to self.