What is true love

I have a class that were a “no show” which means that I get paid for them not showing up.  That’s also one of the definitions of awesome!!

I have around half an hour to spare and I don’t know If I’ll be able to finish this before then but I sure hope that I do.

I have been thinking about my daughter for the last few days. I actually think about her all the time but I’ve been thinking about how I feel. And why I feel this way.

I figured its true love. Its got to be. I can’t define it in a sentence but I can try and describe it in a few lines.

True love is seeing the person you love as the most beautiful person in the world no matter what’s coming out of their noses or any hole to that regard. You know babies!! They’re like a car in summer when the ac is always turned on .

tru love 1

 

True love is when they start to mimic your good habits. I really think that’s true love. Me and my baby practically mimic each other. I have no idea who’s the one pretending like who. But we eat the same way. We’re both fast runners. We both drink coconut water and we’re both babies in our own way.

tru love 2

 

True love is wanting to be held all the time. And I mean all the time.

True love is fear. Fear of a lot of things. Fear of possibly losing, disappointing, corrupting, destroying your loved one. That’s also part of the package but its a small price to pay for what you get.

fear love

True love is when asked about or even the mere thought of the person you truly love is brought up, you light like a christmas tree on the 7th of January. I have heart palpitations, smirks and a whole lot of weird stuff happening to me right now as I type this.

me

This applies to all relationships and not just kids. I feel the same way about a lot of people but I wanted to write about my baby because she’s one of my favorite people in the world. One of. At times she could use a little strangle, not the abusive type though. That’s part of true love. Strangulation followed by embracing.

My time is now done.

I’m afraid a lot

I’m driving down the road and I’m afraid.

I go to work and I’m afraid

I go to meet a new person and I’m afraid.

I’m always a little scared.

Never of life. Well, rarely at least. I’m mainly afraid of myself.

I’m afraid of the harm I could do. Of someone’s feeling I may hurt, am I over stepping anyone, am I cheating my way through life with methods such as lies, deceit, and indirect bribery. Those things haunt me and sometimes even keep me up at night.

I want to be better. I want to be at service. I want to like everyone and be liked by everyone in return. It’s hard. But everyday I work at it. I start my day with gratitude and always think how I’d like to be treated and treat others in return.

I’m not afraid of risks, or afraid of what people say, think and react. Most of the time at least. If you know me or have been following me you’ll  know that I’m pretty fearless and live my life pretty close to the edge.

After having 2 kids I thought my life was over as I knew it. But I started taking greater risks. It’s scary but it is paying off. I feel like now more than ever, I need to do what I think is right. What my gut thinks is right. What my heart thinks is right. What kind of role model would I be to my kids if I didn’t?  Or to my wife?

I want to raise the bar. It’s scary. I need to do it with caution. A year ago, this post would be super scary. But now. I have raised the bar. I need to constantly keep doing this. You need to too.

I need you to be afraid, then I need you to do it. But with caution. We all need you more than ever now. Follow your heart and gut. Don’t you dare correct it after you’ve heard it the first time.

As a teacher I always find that the students get the correct answer the first time in the exam and as soon as they revise it, they rub it off and choose the wrong answer. Now I always tell my class, please answer it once and leave it. You’re heart knows best. Your gut knows best. You know best the first time. It’s when you over analyze what your insides are trying to tell you and try to navigate away, it fails you as well.

One shot. One life. Just once.

Coffee and allnighters 

I rarely have coffee. Rarely. But when I do it’s some strong coffee that tastes good. But leaving you with that bitter coffee aftertaste we all like. I usually like it to start with off with a wave of sweet delicious flavor such as caramel or mocha, transitioning into mild coffee flavor and then ending with the bitter part. I also prefer my coffee cold. Preferably double blended. Not so much of an iced coffee person. I feel like iced is a scam. Daylight robbery. A little bit of coffee with a whole lot of ice. You either have two choices.
1. Drink it quick and experience great coffee that’s not cold or warm. And it’s half the amount you actually ordered. 
2. Sip it slowly, and have it transition to coffee flavored water. 
Iced coffee comes with a lot of tradeoffs. 
Anyways, today was one of those days where I have coffee. Coffee = all nighter. 
I sometimes have the most post profound nights and today was also one of them. Here’s what I do when I have difficulty sleeping or get myself into it by drinking coffee in the evening. Oh, and it’s always a large size (Venti, meaning 20. I had to google that. Venti in Spanish means come. Didn’t have to google that ) 
1) Entertainment/education 

I almost always look into something that will entertain and educate me. In my case it’s either reading or film. I lay in bed with a smile while doing those. 

2) Writing

I feel like writing down thoughts or just literally projecting whatever is running through my brain will help make me feel better. And we all know how much of a genius we all suddenly are when it’s 3 am. 

3) Stretch

We have a small carpet next to the bed. So I try and discreetly crawl out of bed and start doing positions I never do in public. It feels so good and gets the blood flowing. 

4) Breathe

I focus on my breathing. I start to think of how wrong I breathe all day and so start a rhythm of deep in and out of breaths. I do it sometimes with my eyes closed. They say it’s good for you. I smile sometimes as I do it too because I picture myself breathing like that all day and it looks ridiculous. So I smile. 
Most of my all nighters are usually disasters. But I’ve noticed that every time I do the above, it turns out to be a really productive all nighter. 
It’s prayer time now. It’s 4:54 am .
Over and out. 

Don’t do it for at least 30 mins a day

That’s when you know you’ve destined the majority for failure. 

I’m quoting that the first sentience of my post from advice I read that was being given on social media. I personally think it’s great. When we feel good doing something, we usually want others to experience it as well. Be it exercise or a skill. 
Here’s the thing, that post was about exercise. And this is why I disagree with how it won’t really work. Or it did and it could do better. 
When someone has no desire to change, the worst thing you can say is “the least you can do is…”
When you don’t want to do it at all, you don’t want to hear about doing it for 30 mins. That’s a life time. It baffles me when a coach tells their client 30 minutes on the treadmill. Or when a teacher gives their students tedious homework. 
Sure it could be done, but there’s no longevity in this process. 

When you start slowly injecting healthy doses of what you need to do, you will automatically want more of it. But only when YOU decide it’s what YOU need. 
When you tell someone who’s out of shape to get on the treadmill for 5 minutes, they will absolutely do it. It’s just too easy. 
If I have to read book or exercise. I start with a page a day. 10 mins a day of exercise. Who can’t do that? 
Once I get into rhythm, I will voluntarily want more because it makes me feel good, and I want more, because I feel like and not because it’s a daunt open me. 
 Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t set other up for failure. Don’t tell people what to do, and if you have to, make it so simple they won’t to do it anyways because we are complex like that. 
Now excuse me as I go read one page. 

How to do something you have to do or need to do or want to do

I picked up the phone. Looked at the screen and typed in some words. This is it. This is what I’ve written. How easy was that? 

These days I feel like I’m programmed. I just do. I don’t know how good that is but I do know that’s it’s something. It must be something. It’s building a momentum, I can feel feel it. Over 10% of 2017 is over and I feel like I’m in a good place.
How to start something.

I’m sure many people research that! You just start. Just start now. Tomorrow. Next week but not further. Or else it’s too far away. I waited 30 days. I began this momentum in February. Didn’t want to start in the new year when everyone is pretending to change. I had to wait. I’m just like that, I look at the herd and move away from it. 

It’s tough. But we all know what happens to sheep. They either get turned into wool, get butchered or get a song dedicated to them. And after all they do. It’s a about a black sheep. 

Here’s to another 10 minutes. 

As I write this, I think about all of the free time I have in my hands. It’s minimal. But I still squeeze in 10 minutes every now and then. 

How much time did I spend not working on my craft?
I’ve always wanted to write more, read more and so on. I always thought I didn’t have time. I don’t know how true that is anymore. Sure I can’t go on a reading or writing spree. But I can do a little of it.
Sure I can’t run 60 mins a day. But maybe 20. 15? That’s something. Sure I can’t cook all of my healthy meals at home. 

Oatmeal?

Smoothies?

Sliced fruits?

Nut butter sandwich? 

Avocado and hummus sandwich? ( My favorite go to) 
I now look at all the time have spent not doing the little things that make me a little better.
My break is over.

I feel like a better human being for writing this,

I hope you get something out of this.

How I can now fit in time to write. 

This post is predominantly for me. I’m writing this to remind myself about how I can write almost every single day without having the excuse to not write because of time. 

I was thinking about this superpower machine I’m holding. It’s a smart phone. Doesn’t matter which one. Cause they’re all smart. Some a little smarter than others but all smart. And all can type pretty much flawlessly. It does autocorrect too. 
I remember I started making videos with my iPhone 5. I was so proud of myself. At first I didn’t do any editing at all. I would hit record, talk/perform and upload. All from my phone. I thought I’d never ever learn how to edit. It seemed impossible. I don’t have the skills. Then I found out about iMovie for iPhone and that pretty much changed my life. I don’t edit on my phone anymore. And my story now revolves around my edit. It’s funny how I didn’t know a thing about editing and it’s editing now that helps me tell a story. I have to stop typing now because my break time is over. 
I’m back now.
 I think we should make do with pretty much anything we have. I’m going to use this smart phone to start writing again ( typing ) and go back to something I love. 
Start with whatever you’ve got.
Note to self. 
I’m now going to post this on the WordPress app

How to be perfect

As I write this I’m sitting on a pedestal and you’re beneath it. Because you finally get to hear about perfection. And to actually be perfect.

So while you sadly read this knowing you’ll never be perfect but maybe have a chance in perfection then continue reading. You do have a shot at perfection. Just like I did.

I am not perfect every day but I am perfect right now.

So let’s define perfect first shall we.

PERFECT:

having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be. e.g. “she strove to be the perfect wife”
There are many big words here. But here’s the perfect takeaway I took from perfect.
                                                      As good as it is possible to be.
And there you have it. Perfection. Right now this is as good as I can possibly be. I had a little spare time and wanted to be constructive, so I opened my laptop and became perfect. I cannot write a book right about now but I can do my best today and share this with my world. I know this is the best I can do for now. I have plans later on. Or commitments. Or maybe I don’t have a choice in being where I am.
All I know right now is that I did the best possible option with my time and that is to be perfect.
Imperfections to me is not doing your best. Not being able to deliver due to distractions, laziness and you know..being imperfect. I am imperfect 90% of the time. At least as of recently. But I love working. It’s rejuvenating and that’s where I can be perfect.
Here’s to over 50% of perfection during our lifetimes.
CHEERIO.
cheerios

I got chosen to be part of a CoLab

So here I am minding my own business.

I really can’t remember how I came across the ad. It was definitely Facebook.

Oh yes, it was one of my filmmaker friends I have on Facebook who posted about it.

I read it and I was intrigued . It was something that I have never heard of before. It was a collaboration of different artists coming together to interpret each other’s work.

How interesting.

Here’s how it works:

A Blind Collaboration.
– Starting with Writers, who will each individually write on a topic specific to a social hypothesis, as revealed in a workshop.
– Each written piece is then blindly shifted into the hands of a Visual Artist
– The receiver will separately create their own art as based on their understanding and interpretation of the given words.
– They will then be brought together, to meet, to mingle, and showcase the experiment results.

I can’t wait to see how my writing will be interpreted in the hands of a visual artist but I’m excited. Will definitely share the experience. I just felt like writing about it.

 

 

Race report Ironman 2016 ( The gritty details )

First off I thought I finished in around 5:40- 5:45 because I calculated all of the legs separately and averaged it in my head right after the race where I obviously wasn’t in the best state of mind, but I finished in 6:05.

Now

to

race

day

Just let me go back a little.I got to sleep the night before at 10:00 pm but slept at around 11ish. I woke up at 4:30am. Had an 8 banana smoothie with  a lot of water and put all of my things in order for the race. At around 5:50am I decided to put my number sticker on the wetsuit. It took a while. I had to pick up my friend Ameer who was also participating with me. He lives right next to me and I live right next to where the race is going to start.

I leave the house at 6:05 ( the race starts at 6:55 ) and reach Ameer’s house at 6:11. I then realised that I forgot my water bottle at home after picking him up. So Ameer tells me to go back we have plenty of time, so I race back home and collect my water bottle and rush back out. It’s now 6:25 and they have started closing down the roads. We stay stuck in traffic for a while till it starts to move. We reach the four seasons ( The swim start ) at 6:40 and they don’t let us in telling us they have already closed this part because the race will begin in 15 minutes. So we struggle to find a parking spot and we end up parking at a building close by. We get out of the car and start running towards the four seasons ( Ameer was in his sandals ) img_0941

So we make it just 10 minutes before the race and I put on a brand new wetsuit that I’ve never used before. It was really windy and I really didn’t feel like getting cramps while or after the swim. I came wearing my sunglasses and they are prescribed but I couldn’t swim with them so I gave them to a friend ( Hala, thank you for being a champ and staying till I was out) to give me after the swim.

So that happened.

As we were waiting in line to jump in to the sea I was trying to stretch out my wetsuit as much as I can before the swim in the hope that you know..it would not be too tight. Anywho I end up jumping in and boy was it a disaster.  I was really having to pull to get that stroke and because of that I got a little anxious and started to lose my breathing rhythm. Then I told myself just push! push! push! . Halfway through the swim I began thinking to myself ‘What if I just die now, would anyone notice?’ ‘ If I let go, would I fall into the sea or will I float ?’ Then I was finished. In 41 minutes I did a 1.9k ( Now on the website it shows 44 mins. So I’m not sure when exactly do they start counting but as soon as I jumped in I hit the start button ).

As I run out of the water I can barely see anything, and I don’t see Hala ( The girl with my prescribed sunglasses) . So I just run into transition and I thought she’d left. I didn’t blame here. It was windy. I now decided that I was going to race race blind. Ok, not blind but let’s just say it’s very dangerous for me to drive without my glasses.

I struggle to find my way to transition and I finally find my bag where my helmet and race belt is. So I get into gear and I find my bike and run to the bike start part and right before I get onto my bike I see a bunch of people taking pictures and one of those people were Hala!!!!! With my glasses!!!! Looking for me!!!! So I put on my glasses and I can now see again.

I get on my bike and start battling the wind. I was very very careful to not go above 30km/hr. Just because I didn’t have the training miles and I didn’t want to over do it. I stayed in between 28-30km/hr. Now my gels were all taped on my bike and they were giving me crazy paper cuts .

My leg was beginning to look like some character out of Zorro. Now I haven’t eaten GU gels since 2014. But at the time they worked for me and I remember the Hi5 gels and those were something that definitely didn’t work for me.  I had 6oo calories worth of gels and I realised right there and then, that wasn’t enough. I though the large banana smoothie would be enough but I was wrong. The swim had burnt  right through the smoothie. And I was stuck with only 6o0 calories worth of GU.

I ate the ones that were giving a paper cut first. Which were 3. The one I enjoyed the most was salted caramel and the one I despised the most was vanilla orange. What the heck is that all about? That was such an off flavour, and it was hard to wash off. I ended up taking one of the Hi5 gels and then fed on bananas the remaining 30k of the bike leg. I finished 6 gels in 2 hours and still wanted more food.

The ride inside the circuit was beautiful, it really pushed me and made me look forward to the run. I finished the bike  90k later. Took off my cycling shoes, put on my running shoes and got straight to it. I started fairly fast and that was a mistake. I was running a 4:45km/hr pace. At 4k I knew I was going to get hurt if I continued on this pace. So naturally I continued until the pain turned into agony. My IT band was on fire and my ankles were really feeling it.

I then really had to slow down. I started at some point running in a 6:30 pace. I then stopped at every food station and put food into me. I instantly felt better. I’d take an orange, a banana, 3 salty crackers and some energy drink. Did that till the 15k mark. Then all I took in was energy drink . The pain was agonising and I now knew that it was too late to quit. So I meditated . I started running much much faster. I went to a 5:30 pace and kept it there. In the last 2k I was in a surreal experience. My mind was not in my body. My body was running but my mind was up in the air with the clouds. I felt nothing. I went faster and faster. It was just my body that was running after all and not me. I wasn’t present at the time. I did the half marathon in 2:00 hours.

Finished the whole race in 6:05.  A personal best 😀

After checking my watch it added up to 6:00 but who cares! I don’t.

The volunteers were phenomenal. They were part of what kept me going. So upbeat and encouraging. The event was so well organised and there are so many people that I want to thank but want to thank God first for allowing me to complete this adventure with no real training. Everyone who helped me in this journey ( you know who you are ), thank you.

And for those of you pestering me about me not finishing it cause of least year and what not. Well, I won’t say in your face!!. But thanks for putting so much thought into me in general. I’m genuinely flattered.

Next post will be about post ironman as this post is pretty long already. Post. How many times did I say post in this last paragraph?